Just.

I didn’t become a mummy in the most conventional ways. Nope, I didn’t need to be wheedled into pregnancy, nor did we go through many years of marriage before getting blessed etc. I was single, flying the high skies, having the time of my life and then I started feeling bloated and nauseous even though I was on the pill. Bingo. I was pregnant.

Torn, shocked, fearful, nervous. Just a few of the emotions I felt when I found out I was about to become a mummy.

I mean, I was 20! I was in the prime of my youth and having fun and freedom in my life! Where does that make room for a baby??

I had thoughts of aborting the baby, thinking I wouldn’t make the best mum to him or her. I thought of giving up flying, even though that might be one of the biggest regrets in my life. It isn’t, but I never think about it without that slight tinge of resignation.

Am I ready to be a mum? Especially with my incredible temper and more incredible need for perfection?

Don’t get me wrong, I am still a bad tempered and impatient perfectionist. I have my moments where I scream at the kids (yes, bad baaaad mum) and I just need to get away from it all.

But despite having times that totally challenge the perfectionist in me, it is moments like this that makes it all worthwhile.

Another reason why I was and still am against abortion?

This letter would explain in the best way possible. I read this ten years ago while I was doing some research online when I found out I was pregnant.. I am so glad I did not abort ten years ago, even though I did give up a lot of intangible things.

*warning: if you are prone to tears like I am, please refrain from reading further. It made me sob a little.

Dear Mommy,
I am in Heaven now… I so wanted to be your little girl. I don’t quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existence. I was in a dark, yet
comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me. Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you.
Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn’t imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean Monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me.
The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, “Mommy, Mommy, help me please! Mommy, help me.” Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn’t anymore. Then the monster started ripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the pain i can never explain. It didn’t stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.
I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now I couldn’t, all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to
you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn’t know the words you could understand.
And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me away to a wonderful place. Then I was happy. I asked the
angel what was the thing was that killed me. He answered, “Abortion. I am sorry, for I know how it feels.” I don’t know what abortion is, I guess that’s the name of the monster.
I’m writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn’t;the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn’t want to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.
Love,

Your Baby Girl

So please, you can give up the child for *adoption if you are not in a situation to give him or her a home.

To those who don’t practise birth control and playing with fire and “luck”, to those who abort because they “can’t bear to lose their figure” and to those who are frivolous about life and abortions, please stay far far away from me. My life is one of sheltered love and optimism and I am not as “sophisticated” and “worldly” as you are.

*edited from typo mistake, thanks anon!!

My baby is 4!

(more…)

We brought the kids to the zoo and Night Safari on Saturday. To say that we were a little ambitious to want to attempt both places on the same day is an understatement. We were exhausted at the end of the day! But I must say we had lots of fun (as usual) and we picked up some interesting facts about animals.

(more…)

I dropped my wallet at Pepper Lunch (Isetan Scotts) while having lunch just now. One of their staff found it and had the initiative to call me to inform me.

Then, the manager and the staff actually walked all the way from Isetan Scotts to my office at Orange Grove Road and passed the wallet to me personally in my office on the 3rd floor, just to make sure I don’t have anything missing.

Now, that’s what I call Service with a capital S.  

Shelly’s boy, Joshua is a total charmer when it comes to girls. He only reserves his killer smile for the girls. He doesn’t give men the time of the day, much less a smile. He also HATES the camera with a vengeance.

I am serious and I have the photos to prove it.

Will ya just look at that smile… aww…… (he doesn’t KNOW the camera is shooting away…)

(more…)

Look at her!! She knows exactly how to pose for the camera. I swear I did NOT teach her that.

The elder sister being more relaxed and nonchalant.

Lest you think that from my previous post that I am one of those spoilt or chi chi wannabe types who MUST dine in fine dining restaurants (I am so NOT, *shudders), here is the evidence:

Tong Ah’s Specialty Chicken in Claypot

Tong Ah’s Specialty Fried Toufu with radish and minced pork

Simple dish of Potato Leaves fried with garlic and black bean paste.

Place: Tong Ah Coffeeshop at Teck Lim Road (near Keong Saik Road)

Verdict: Good soulful food at good prices. I TOTALLY APPROVE!!

Braised Stuffed Drumstick with Yunnam ham and mushrooms

Fried Rice Noodles with XO sauce, Scallops and Prawns

Finally Double Boiled Hashima with Red dates and Lotus Seeds

Restaurant: Crystal Jade Dining at Vivocity  

Verdict: The food was totally heavenly, and the service SUPERB in caps, although the price a tad steep.

It’s been such a madhouse this week that I haven’t had a chance to post at all.

And now that I have fifteen minutes to post, all I can think about is work and the kids’ schedule over the weekend.

Alas! My life is thus.  Heh.

So I went and butchered my long long beyootifoool hair. *sobs*

Not.

It’s about time. I have had the same hairstyle give or take for the last five years. And moreover, my beauty does not lie in my hair alone.

Hahaha!

So, this is the “new” me now, with that bit more edge and funk. Had to shoot it from the side to show you the variation of the Posh cut.

Bye bye long hair…it’s been a good run so see you in a few years.

Brought the kids to a fun fair at Fort Canning today. We had fun, though the booming music blasting continuously gave me a headache at the end of the day. Ah well.

(more…)

Remember the Bodum Pavina glasses I was mad over? I found them in Takashimaya! Happy am I.

I wanted to buy the Bodum teapot with glass funnel, but I found this baby instead. I love the cute little filter with the spring attachment on the sprout!

(more…)

After all the hubba hubba about Anya Hindmarch’s I’m not a Plastic Bag, the stampedes in the countries it launched in and the whole world going crazy over it, I have a question. Is this about saving the environment by using a canvas bag, or is it about getting a cheap designer (albeit rather ugly) bag?

I don’t know about you, but the more I look at the bag, the uglier I find it. Especially the fonts on the bag. Of course, there are always fashion victims who go for anything with a brand name brandishing it around already so it sort of added to my derision.

And forget the sprees that claim to order from a supplier who would always claim that it’s authentic but no guarantees. Duh. There are so many fakes going around on ebay and yahoo now that it makes me think that Anya Hindmarch has saved the earth after all, albeit the loss of a little profit to counterfeiters.
In any case, the Anya I’m not a Plastic Bag is no longer available, if you are a stickler for real stuff, like I am. I am eyeing the envirosax range of eco-friendly bags and they are waterproof to boot. That means you can place your tubs of ice creams, milk cartons and what nots and they will not soak through the bag. Nice.

More pictures below…

(more…)

Lounging around in one of my favourite brushed cotton Gap tee and La Senza jammie pants, and feeling totally wasted. Put on a pot of Gryphon’s Lemon Ginger Mint tea and felt a little better.

Later people… when I feel a little more human.

Damn, I haven’t even eaten all day.

I chopped off my tresses to something like this

?

Shall put up pics later.

I went to Komachi on Level 21 at Liat Towers. Maeda-san did my hair. I don’t think I would trust many people to cut my long long hair till this short but he is one of the very few I would.

He’s careful and meticulous and is mindful of hair texture and the way it falls to translate it into the hair style you want, and to fit your face shape.

The fact that he is soooooo incredibly cute helps of course.

Kenny did my shampoo and I must really say that his technique is good and rather different. I felt very pampered throughout and I must say that I love the Japanese way of customer service; always polite and gracious.

OK the price was a teeny weensy bit on the high side but if you decide to give it a try, please let him know that Rachel K recommended you and you’d get a 20% discount.

The full story here.

“The Vet Assistant brought Betty back in, IV sticking out of her little arm, all prepped to shuffle off this mortal coil. He set her back down on the table and I stood up and just began to pet her. Meanwhile, the faucet started pouring from my eyes. She stood, not wanting to sit or lie down, just wanting to stand, close her eyes, and be petted, straining her neck out so I’d scratch behind her eyes a bit.

Purring.

The Vet came in. Very kind, very gentle, very respectful. Would I like to hold her? Truth was, I did want to hold her, but I couldn’t. I didn’t think I’d be able to stand up. I couldn’t even answer him vocally, just shook my head and concentrated on petting her. He explained what he was going to do. Two syringes. The first clears the line, the second gently stops her heart. She would feel no pain. Though there may be some twitching once it’s over, since between 1 and 2% will experience random muscle twitches as the brain shuts down.

But know that if I felt the twitching, she was already dead.

So with the Vet Assistant on one side, holding her arm steady, and the Vet sitting at her head, giving her a little scratch behind the eyes himself, I stood there, hands ceaselessly stroking her fur as he administered the first syringe. No reaction. Still purring. Then the second syringe. At this, she very calmly folded her paws under her and lay down on the table, then rolled over onto her side as if asleep.

“That’s it. She’s gone.”

I was still petting her. Couldn’t stop. Even though she was dead. Now I was petting her for myself. I didn’t want to break that connection. The Vet asked if I wanted a moment alone. I nodded, still unable to speak.

Alone with Betty, I blinked through tears, not bothering to wipe them away, because I didn’t want to lift my hands away from her. She was still. Quiet. But then, what did I expect? She was dead.

And I noticed her eyes were still open. So I gently closed them.”

The little minx enjoying her new cushion. Atas can…

We placed the cushion in front of her and she simply sauntered up to it and rested her head on it.

Today marks the start of the Jewish New Year: Rosh Hashanah. I’ve been busy coordinating flowers, cards, finding out addresses, sending gifts, flowers and cards and finally it was all wrapped up yesterday.

Phew. As usual, I feel great when I have accomplished a big task with no glitches.

I think I should be able to breathe today. I’ve put on a pot of chai tea from Gryphon and some orange essential oil on the burner to start off the day right. The usual expense reports, travel arrangements and the killer of the day: finding a way to upgrade his whole family to Business to London, even though they do not have enough points and the upgrade seats are all taken for now.

What’s new.

At this point of time I don’t know how to go about the upgrade tickets but I am going to take it slowly else I might go the way of the lunatic.

A spot of dancing at the arcade. Germaine is surprisingly good and she cleared all the stages.

We watched Ratatouille after that. Nice feel good movie.

Irish Lamb Shank at Grillers (Tiong Bahru Plaza Level 5) Very flavourful and tender.

Caesar Salad with Smoked Salmon at Grillers

Pan Seared Fois Gras at Brasserie Wolf (Robertson Quay). It melts in your mouth. Ahh..

Garlic butter escargot at Brasserie Wolf

Duck Confit at Brasserie Wolf. The skin is to die for.

Veal and herbed potato at Brotzeit.