Just.

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So my daughter draws all kinds of monsters, some conjured from the recesses of her mind. I am awed, humbled and impressed, all at the same time.

She also did an architectural looking sketch of the Eiffel tower for her camp tee design (which I of course forgot to snap a picture before she submitted it)

My daughter, cool in a kooky nonchalant way

I have long learned to let go when it was painfully clear that she was not and will never be the stupidly mystical girly princess I conjured in my mind. You know, the ballerina who plays the piano, incurably dainty, minds her Ps and Qs and is princessably (yes, I know there is no such word, but hey this is my blog) perfect. I had pigheadedly tried to enrol her in ballet when it was clear that she prefers sports like netball, tennis and soccer.

I call it the ‘trying to do the right thing’ complex and I have been fighting this ever since.

The right thing – this is highly debatable and indeed, if we try to define it by the world’s standard (and by the world, I mean meddling nosy people who have no business commenting in other people’s family business), it is headed for disaster.

To define it by our own parenting standards is another minefield because like it or not, we are burdened by the influences of our own upbringing, the baggage from our own childhood and experience, and the conventions of society. It takes a very conscious effort to break out and look at things from a fresh eye of perspective.

You know how it is in dreams – you think you are seeing and experiencing things but when you really open your eyes, you realize that you are in quite another place and seeing quite something else?

So my girl is not a fairy tale princess.

She plays defender in the school netball team. She plays soccer with boys. She drops 100 pushups (proper kickass pushups and not girly ‘knee’ pushups) at a go. She wants to play the guitar and drums. Her art blows my mind.

I think my daughter is darn cool in a way that rocks my world and it sure as hell aint hereditary.

Seth Godin says,

‘If it acts like a duck (all the time), it’s a duck. Doesn’t matter if the duck thinks it’s a dog, it’s still a duck as far as the rest of us are concerned.

Authenticity, for me, is doing what you promise, not “being who you are”.’

Pure coincidence but Seth Godin just blogged about what has been on my mind for the past few weeks.

Individuals who sprout lyrical about transparency, honesty, god-like social media rules, integrity and so forth on their blogs, tell a different story in plurk, msn and twitter.

Respectability requires consistency.

You don’t talk about respect and best practices in social media but call people names in conversations.
You don’t talk about discretion but divulge confidential information discussed in private conversations.
You don’t talk about integrity but ask for confidential information to be shared to all and sundry, tabloid style.

Transparency is not an excuse to merrily list out others’ ‘mistakes’ in an attempt to look superior.
Honesty is not an excuse for breach of trust.
Integrity is not an excuse for being a thoroughly self righteous and pompous person.

Respectability requires consistency.

For you may think you are a duck, behave like a duck (sometimes), quack like a duck and think you are a duck, but we all know better.

I am not exaggerating when I say Madura never disappoints. I think that’s something because we try different dishes every time.

Food aside, the service is impeccable. Genuine smiles from people who make an effort are truly a rarity. Don’t you feel patronized by fake smiles and faker enthusiasm from service staff gunning for some Service Award?

Oh, you must try the Bru coffee too. It.is.out.of.this.world.

Via

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but ‘didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving’.

***

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, ‘Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head?’ I had to explain that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned…

***

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ she asked me, ‘Has your plane arrived yet?’…
(I work with professionals like this.)

***

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. ‘Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

Singapore – A 35 year old single man tries to perform hypnosis in MSN.. with hilarious results. (Via TK)

His conversation with Olivia, a mom of 2 (who supposedly provided some false information to him)
Click for the MSN conversation (more…)

In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of
triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the
pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size,
they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started
to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The
veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a
depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate
another mother’s cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing
news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to
the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that
had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one
species will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans”
that could be found quickly, were a litter of weaner pigs. The zoo
keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the
babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops??
Take a look…….. you won’t believe your eyes!! Scroll down to view.

“When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, You command the attention of the world”

Tony Melendez

A thalidomide baby, Tony was born without arms because his mother was prescribed thalidomide a drug used to help calm morning sickness during her pregnancy. He was brought to the Los Angeles area from Nicaragua to be fitted with artificial arms. He wore them until he was ten, when he disposed of them. “I didn’t feel comfortable,” he explains, “I could use my feet so much more.”

I felt deeply ashamed after seeing the video and reading his biography. Deeply.

The truth is, you and I, we are capable of so much more. How many of us are fully tapping our potential? How many of us are truly pursuing a dream, not of materialism or personal gratification, but to make good out of something?

Do we even have a dream?

*Cues thunder and lightning* Am I the only remaining Singaporean parent to feel this way?

I am not against having tuition for the kids if they need help but I am against having tuition for the kids if you want to ace everyone else, ace everything and to play the senseless one up game with everyone else. I know some parents who are proud to have their kids tutored in all the subjects just to be ‘ahead’ in the rat race.

This is like winning in the Special Olympics. If you need to ask why, stop reading.

I have never forced tuition on Germaine because

1. she doesn’t need it.
2. I don’t need her to glorify me with her results
3. honestly, who found the stuff they learned in school relevant when they started working? I am not the only one who feels this way. Big shot investment banking lawyer also ok.

I also rebel against positioning education as a win or lose situation. I hate the way our education system pushes parents and students to choose courses which are “useful”, “practical” or “in-demand” (rather than the courses for which the student has a genuine interest).

This education system also ostracized people who may not score well academically, but are nevertheless talented and intelligent. Now it begs the question,

“Are examinations the only way to gauge your potential, talent and intelligence?”

I have friends who will never dream of sending their kids to Sports School in case the children ‘don’t have something to fall back on’. Is this the fault of the parents? No.

This is the fault of this elitist government who has worshipped the God of Academic Results. An ‘A team‘ which has lost (only) billions in investments  and came up with gems like Job Credit Scheme.

Lastly, look at poor Rebecca Wong (or rather, poor Rebecca Wong’s parents).

ST Nov 29, 2008
Tuition not the way to success

WHEN I collected my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results in 1985, I was told I had been selected to attend a Special Assistance Plan (SAP) secondary school. This sudden ‘promotion’ did my parents proud but it gave me much stress. The moment I started at the SAP school, I fell from being the top girl to being among the top 15. For the first time in my life, I knew I was simply ‘not good enough’ and was bitterly disappointed with myself.

Since almost everyone ahead of me had tuition of various kinds, I told my parents I needed help too.It was not long before my single-income family began to channel huge amounts towards education investment – tuition for me and my three siblings. One day, the principal of my SAP school in Katong asked to meet my parents concerning my lacklustre grades. He wanted me to drop chemistry and English literature specifically, ’so as not to pull down the school standard’. After my mother pleaded with him tearfully, this humiliating episode ended with more tuition for me and less retirement funds for my food-seller parents. In all, I had tuition in six out of 10 subjects, not because I did badly, but because I was not good enough to achieve the As and Bs the school was furiously churning out ….

Rebecca Wang

The children were playing with sparklers and Big took some gorgeous pictures with the Nikon D60. Love the focus and effects.

I think they had lots of fun, though I get nervous around them things. The sparklers, not the kids.

A pregnant STOMPer says this woman not only did not offer her the Priority Seat in the train, she even cursed her and her unborn child.

Says the STOMPer in an email to STOMP yesterday (Jan 29):

“Today, I (I boarded the train from City Hall) met this inconsiderate and rude woman who did not offer me (who is 26 weeks pregnant) the Priority Seat she was sitting on.

“She did not offer me the seat even after finishing her sms and after one stop.

“However, she realised that I was taking a picture of her and asked me very rudely and with a hostile expression on her face if I wanted the seat.

“I answered yes and she stood up and started hurling vulgarities at me and calling me a ‘b***h’.

“I scolded her back as I thought she should be embarassed of herself!

“She walked away after about 20 seconds of cursing.

“Before she alighted at Novena station, she stopped by my seat and started cursing me and my unborn baby!

“I’m speechless as I’m wondering if she is even ashamed of herself!

“I cannot tolerate actions like this and from someone who is obviously educated.”

In a telephone conversation with STOMP, the STOMPer stood by her story.

She said that she was wearing maternity clothing and was visibly pregnant when she boarded the train and was disappointed that the woman had behaved in such a manner.

What were your thoughts after reading this? Indignation? Anger? Incredulity? This is natural if you had felt the above. After all it is minimal human decency to side with a pregnant woman who not only had been denied a seat, but also had to endure curses to herself and her unborn child. [Though as a disclaimer, I should state that I never expected anyone to offer me a seat during both my pregnancies. That is a story for another day though.]

You might even blog about it and express your displeasure/ disgust/ anger/ shock. That, too is perfectly normal. But what if you were presented with the other side of the story?

A pregnant woman earlier alleged that this woman not only failed to offer her a Priority Seat in the train, she even cursed her and her unborn child.

The woman pictured in the story has since informed STOMP of her side of the story in an email dated Feb 1.

Here’s what she had to say:

“The truth of this incident is I boarded the train before the pregnant lady did. I was tired and trying to sleep as you can see in the photo.

“I had no idea when she boarded or that she was maliciously taking a photo of me sleeping. She never once asked for the seat, nor did anybody around alert me of her presence.

“Nonetheless, I looked up after a while, and when I noticed her, I immediately asked, ‘Do you want to sit?’

“To my shock and horror, she said ‘Yes’ really rudely, glaring at me, and rushed to the seat without a word of thanks!

“I then asked her, ‘Hey I offered you the seat, why are you being so hostile?’

“She said, ‘Of course! Couldn’t you see the sign?’

“Certainly I knew I was sitting on the Priority Seat. But am I expected to be constantly on the lookout for pregnant women? I was asleep for Christ’s sake, and the minute I noticed her, I offered it to her!

“There was NO ‘20 seconds of cursing’, ’she stood up and started hurling vulgarities at me’, nor did I curse her and her unborn baby.

“‘A pregnant STOMPer says this woman not only did not offer her the Priority Seat in the train, she even cursed her and her unborn child’ – this vicious statement is totally untrue.

“If there were SMRT cameras, I would most certainly like the public to see how ungrateful this pregnant lady really was, and worse, trying to malign me on STOMP!

“I do not deny that I called her a b***h. She certainly is the epitome of the word ‘b***h’.

“The truth is, she called me one too! After I graciously offered her the seat, she called me a b***h because I said there was no need for hostility simply because I had not noticed her earlier.

“As for ‘cursing her and her unborn baby’? All i said before I alighted was that it would be terribly sad if she brought up another person just like herself.

“I am not ashamed to say this because this is the true story, and I am sure everyone would agree with me that it is a great shame that a lady of her age cannot even conduct herself graciously, and is thinking of bringing up a child.”

Ah.. feeling differently now? My point is, regardless of who you might think is telling the truth, get both sides of the story.