Just.

I read some of my earlier entries in the shut down blog and wonder what happened to that person penning the entries. I can’t help but feel that I am quite different now. For one, I would not hesitate to talk a person down in the past but now it’s like whatever, dude.

I also felt appalled at how I used to spend like the last of the big spenders.

And then there is that temper. I’d like to think that I have mellowed with time, but I wonder.

There is probably an enormous amount of anger and rebellion pent up in me because of the unhappiness in the last ten years. It probably dissipated over time, but I think a residual effect remains. I will never forget the one time I lost it and lashed out rather severely at a friend’s betrayal.  I did not like that person I became and that is what scares me. That need to hurt, and badly too.

I am sad to confess that this had not mellowed with time. I feel rather ominously that it is merely lying dormant till the ‘next big thing’. So I take the chicken(?) way of taking steps to pre-empt possible triggers. I distance myself from people from which I can sense potential trouble. I avoid certain situations where I might possible flare up.  In short, I walk away but still wish them all the best. Anger might not be a bad thing in certain situations but frankly, I value the peace and harmony in my life now way too much.

For now, I am the paragon of serenity.

For now, the mental image of me sticking chopsticks up their nose and making them say mama will do.

I kid.

On the note of jest, I share this ad which struck a chord with me.

Posted Just saying |