Just.

If there’s anyone who can melt me into a puddle with just a few words, it’s my younger girl, Gean. She’s a real mummy’s girl, that one.

Of course, I have to mention how she painstakingly copied SIX pages of lyric just so she can serenade me from the pages (so cute!)

And then there is that incident where her friend chanced upon our cutesy neoprint and made a comment like ‘Wah, your mum’s quite fat’.

Our friend positively puffed up her chest and bellowed,

‘You don’t know anything ok! My mum is exercising now and she lost a lot of weight OK!’

She was still bristling indignant when she related the matter after ballet class. Heh.

On a sidenote:

Gean’s first day at school.

There’s something very poignant about this photo that I can’t put my finger on.

This morning, Gean shared with me about a dream she had last night. To cut a long meandering story dream short, the gist was that she was “fighting” with a woman using some pieces of string [I am guessing in a playful manner, from what she described] when I appeared and killed the woman.

She said it very matter of factly and without any tinge of horror that her mother is a murderous fiend in her dream.

Gean has a bad habit of saying “I got” to mean that she did something. Example:

Me: Did you torture the cockroach before setting Muffin on it?

G: I gotttttttttttttt.

Me: Did you iron all my clothes last night?

G: I gotttttttttttttt.

Anyway. I hate this “I got” business, so I’d always correct her when I hear it – with  “I did“.

Lately she’s gotten much better – only to infuriate me with the introduction of another class phrase – “where got?”

So I told her I have no idea what “where got” means.

That’s when she went,”Oops sorry, mummy. Where did?”

Quick! Call the SPCA mata!
Child, 5, made to iron all clothes for mother

Shocking.

See? So poor thing.

Even though she looks very happy doing it. Take the lollipop out and look serious, girl.

Sigh. Cannot make it. Still grinning away. Not News Headlines material

Today I came back slightly earlier than usual as my back was killing me. We were moving office today and the packing for the last few days coupled with the coordinations today had simply taken its toll on me. At an unearthly 8.30pm (!) I retired to the bedroom with Gean to rest for a while.

I was shocked to see tears in her eyes. I asked her why she was crying. She softly answered that she loves me and she feels very sad that I am hurting.

Ger is also like that. There was once she overheard me talking with Big that I was afraid that I might be paralyzed from spinal cord complications and she started sobbing, to my chagrin. Sometimes I forget that the kids are very alert to our conversations..

There was once during our mother and daughter sharings that I told Gean that I was a little sad when she went out with her father. To me, it was merely conversational.

She started tearing up. I got a wake up call to being sensitive about what seems perfectly conversational to me might make the kids feel sad, and it’s very sad at that.

Now, lest you think my kids are whiny and crybaby kids, they are not. If you had been following my blog, you would have guessed that Ger is a sporty, spunky and outgoing kid, while Gean is a bubbly and sunshiny child.

Their only weakness is a very soft heart. And it’s not a bad vulnerability to have, don’t you think?

We went away during the CNY for a short weekend trip to KL, thus missing the potluck get-together at Ratna’s place on the 9th. So many places to go, so little time! LOL.

I promised the children that I’d bring them to Sunway Lagoon again, as seeing that it drizzled on our parade during the last trip in December. So KL it was to be. This trip also was very special as it was the first time I ever travelled with a girlfriend (told ya I was a loner! ) and what’s more with her son and hubby in tow too.. Joshie’s a superbly well behaved and easy baby to hit the road with, and my girls adore him to pieces. I have to be admonished to the hilt for my lack of photo taking responsibility as I totally forgot to take pictures of the girls with joshie and of our lok lok pigout at Jalan Alor! Armed with the nifty little Canon Big bought for me but always forgetting to use it when need be. Dreadful.

The girls at the hotel (more…)

Genting pictures at last!! LOL.

Misty and deliciously cool..

Queueing up to get tortured. (more…)

OK we had travelled to several other places already and I still had not uploaded the Cameron Highland and Batu Caves pics from last year. *blush*

BATU CAVES

(more…)

There are so many thoughts running through my head now that I don’t know what to say and how to say it.

For one, I am so furious that my stomach is starting to eat me up in bile.

In case you think that I still have a thing for him and therefore being affected by seeing him with another woman, I am not. I know this man for what he is, and I only have condolences for the next woman who is welcome to keep every part of him, memories included.

I am furious that I was actually stupid enough to send the girls there and coming back (freaking expensive cab fare $40!!!) for his convenience so that he can spend time with them and his girlfriend! Considerate FOOL!

I am furious that I am being branded the Scarlett woman by his family while he maintains this innocent facade of being “cheated on” as they all know about me and Big by now. This lying SOB cheated on me with a Chinese national while I was working my ass off to support the family because his lousy salary is simply too measly to be a sole breadwinner. I don’t blame the other woman as I believe that you can’t make one hand clap without the other. I despise the cowardly liar that he had always been and always will be. Even then he did not have the guts to own up to what he did, and instead, placed all the blame on me. How I had never been a submissive gentle woman. How I had never pandered to his whims and wishes. Submissive and gentle, my ass! I am trained to be tough like what I am today, partially thanks to this SOB who cannot take care of his family and leaves the burden of bringing home the dough and taking care of the family to his wife. And even till today, when he was taken aback by me waiting downstairs for the girls (he was intending to send the girls upstairs so that I won’t get to see the other woman (yet another Chinese national), he continued to be a cowardly liar being casually introducing her as a “friend” while she remained seated in the front seat of the taxi and steadfastly refused to look in my direction.

I am furious that he spread false rumours of me to our neighbours and the losers hanging out at the coffeeshops downstairs that I cheated on him and how he is such a victim. I hate women who are “shui xing yang hua” and I am definitely not one! It is such an insult to me that he is spreading these false rumours and a woman’s reputation is so very important and fragile. Yet I tried to overcome my fury and indignation by continuing to send the girls to his mother’s house every weekend, letting the girls see him every week despite feeling contempt and anger for such a piece of scum. Fine, what doesn’t kill me makes me a stronger person. But I think enough is enough.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I am not being noble for I am definitely not that good a person. I have always maintained that I am bitchy, impatient, bad tempered and nasty. It is not in me that I let the girls continue seeing the father which I know inside is such a piece of useless shit. It is for them that I try so hard, for no matter what, I thought that they should have a bond with their natural father.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Be it that I am a selfish bitch who alienate her kids from their father. Be it that I feel that they don’t need a piece of scum like him to be their father. Big is big in heart and mind and more than qualified to be their dad, and most importantly, more than willing to be a good father to them. They don’t need this person, who gives them half a day of each week and spends the rest drinking and smoking at night spots. They don’t need this person who lies and have no integrity whatsoever to guide them in life. They don’t need another mother.

I didn’t let him take me down when he cheated on me. I didn’t let him take me down when he smeared my reputation. I won’t let him take me down now as he attempts to play mind games with my children. YOU MESS WITH MY CHILDREN, YOU FUCKING MESS WITH ME AND THAT, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF LOSER SHIT, IS THE LAST STRAW.

ENOUGH IS FUCKING ENOUGH. I had been cordial enough so far mainly because of the kids but now, I am going to take you down. I am going to take you down so low. BY the time I am finished with you, you’d wish you’d never been born.

After our reunion dinner just now, I made the decision to send the girls to their paternal side. This year, their reunion dinner was held at my third ex sister-in-law’s house. With the exception of the eldest ex SIL who is a nice humble hardworking lady and the youngest one, I do not like the other two SILs. The second is a hard core gambler who neglects her sons. This third one is a materialistic, boastful and competitive parasite. The four one no longer exists and has gone on to greener pastures. It used to be me lah. Hahahahaha!!

Anyway in my usual this that and the other manner, I was trying to say that I was trying to be a better person by letting the girls be with their paternal family, although I would not and could not partake of that dinner. My ex parents in law did invite me to join in but it would be too awkward for me and everyone else. In the end, it is 12.45am now and my girls are nowhere to be seen. I had always ushered in both ‘1st January’s and Chinese New Years with my girls and this year I had to wait for them to come home. At 12.45am.

Update: I just got to know that he brought his girlfriend there to join in their reunion dinner. Not that I care now but I am very pissed that I was stupid and “noble” enough to send my girls there so that he can have his tian lun zhi le! My girls should be at home with US!!!

Never again.

As promised…. PICTURES and updates!! Our first stop: KL, Sunway Lagoon.

The original plan was to take the kids to the ginormous Water and Dry Theme Parks In Sunway Lagoon, but it was raining when we got there. Bugger. Guess we have to make another trip soon.

So we went ice skating at Sunway Shopping Complex instead.

I joined Big and the girls to (finally learn how to) ice skate but I had to exit after less than a minute. Reason: I could feel my back acting up. The very posture of ice skating might have strained on the back, I don’t know. Such a pity as I am always gungho to learn new things. Under normal circumstances, you won’t see me sitting on the bench looking gu niang but that is exactly what I did that day. Capital L big time.

Looking at Big teach Gean how to skate so patiently makes me feel mellow even though it feels like someone is stabbing me in the lower back repeatedly. In fact, the girls cut short their skating time so that we can go to the pharmacy to get some painkillers for me. I can’t begin to articulate how proud and touched I am by my kids. No tantrums, no reluctance. On the contrary, they were worried and concerned that I am in pain. Ger kept asking if I am ok and Gean gave me little massages of sorts on my back. They are very sweet kids and I am a very blessed woman. Now you see why this trip was so special and happy to me.

Naughty little angel

Posing with a very friendly lion mascot

This picture was taken after we left the ice skating rink.

See how cheerful and happy they are?

Sisters

I know I had been dreadful with blogging and uploading of pictures but when you are dealing with 500 over pictures it’s no laughing matter. Add to that post travel laundry, it’s no joke. Of course Big has always been a great help. This fellow is really the gem of the gems.

We brought the kids to Snow City and Science Centre in Singapore before we started travelling. Some pictures we took:

SNOW CITY

Gean looking mighty cheeky

Having a (snow)ball in Snow City

Explorers huddled up in the tent

SCIENCE CENTRE

How morbid and Ger absolutely enjoyed it.

Grinning away on the electric chair

It’s snowing in Singapore!! Pictures below:

Just starting to snow

Full fledged snowing! The children were going wild!

Having lots of fun in the Avalanche (more…)

We brought the children to GWC today for the usual food, shopping and games weekend. The Christmas visuals are up and we had a field time (the children posing for pictures and their mamarazzi mama taking pictures ) I was dressed very comfortably in my cotton tunic, jeans and ballerina flats, as the back is still hurting. I really did not want to spoil the children’s weekend..

I love this photo so much. It’s times like this that I remember that Big bought me this camera just to capture moments like this. So sayang this man. (more…)

Yep, Big made me so angry yesterday that I wanted to kill him. He was supposed to make the reservations for our Hong Kong/ China trip with the kids. I promised the children I would bring them to Disneyland, especially when Ger did quite well for her exams this year.

He procrastinated. So now the flights are all sold out, with the exception of cut throat flights which I will pay for over my dead body. You will prise the cold hard cash out of my cold hard lifeless fingers, you bloody airlines!

Normally I would not be so upset. I am easy going when it comes to stuff like this and we could have easily have made plans to go to Bali, Langkawi or anywhere else for that matter. But I promised the children and it upset me to not make good that promise.

I refused to speak to him. Yep, here hails the Queen Mother of Ice Pinnacles. I don’t scream, I don’t shout and I don’t throw things (why damage your possessions, which you then have to buy to replace?) While others may have a verbal/ physical match, I simmer in a deafening rage of silence.

It made me even more angry because I am a PA for god’s sake and I am trained to do this stuff and suss out the best deals! But no, he wanted to do research and check this and that, and now we are stranded here in the week of Christmas.

I swear my face was the colour of the black Tahitian pearls I so desire.

He reasoned with me, I ignored him. He dropped me an email so sweet it would melt the heart of an infidel, I ignored that. (Imagine reading an email from someone sitting just facing you. How sad and amusing is that.)

I went to bed, he followed.

He grabbed hold of my foot and started to give me a foot rub. And promised me that we will bring the children to Sunway Lagoon and the Genting Theme Park for the week of Christmas AND bring them to Disneyland in January when the flights and hotels are available. And promised that he will not procrastinate again.

Sigh. How to remain angry like this? I think with the drama of my health for the last few days also caused us to be out of sorts…

I am such a softie.

We did not plan anything for this weekend. Very yaya papaya and declared that spontaneity is the way to go this weekend.

Ger wanted to go bowling so we headed out to Safra which is opposite my house. It was fully booked. So much for being spontaneous. Hahahahaha!! But we did not make a wasted trip. They were hosting a Christmas bazaar and we got to view a very exotic and beautiful belly dance performance by this couple from Turkey. The guy was performing on the drum while the lady balanced a very heavy set of candlelights while belly dancing. I was so impressed as she maintained the balance and her fluidity so well! One thing that puzzled me a little was that why is it with all that intensive belly dancing, she still had a layer of fats at the belly? Isn’t it like supposed to burn the fats there? Hmmm.. But nevertheless, she danced so very beautifully with so much grace.

(more…)

Geez, have been owing these pictures for the longest time! As promised, the pictures taken during the carnival where the girls had a blast. My boss was so sweet… he gave me hundred dollars worth of tickets for the children to use!! And I did not even ask him for it (You all know how “proud” I am, I would rather die than to be so bloody thick skin and ask for freebies) So… it was a pleasant surprise and I was rather touched.

Pretty little figurines on top of the cafe

Water play area

Trampoline

Makeshift bridge. The children had a great time jumping and running on it!

Old tree

Lovely treehouse playground!

Getting her painted “tattoo”

Yippee!

Beautiful scenery

Sitting pretty

Ger in her planting workshop

Bouncing Castle

Hmm obviously since one is only 30 once in his or her life. Bwahahahaha!!!

So I thought I should do a wrap up of my 30th birthday, knowing how prematurely senile I am. Sometimes when I am not in front of the comp and can’t access my blog, I will ask Big questions like, so darling, how did we celebrate Christmas last year? -_-

• Big did a surprise party for me
• He also arranged for a surprise photo shoot for us (cam whore alert! ) The pictures are still being developed and you KNOW they will be up here once I get them and have time to sort through. Heh.
• The mother of all rings that is still being set as we speak.
• The Chanel 2.55 that is on its way to me from a friend.
• Cards from friends
• Smses from other friends
• Hand made cross stitch magnets from Dutchess
• Offerings from LP and Seren
• I was hoping for the Motorola Q9H from Nuffnang too but sigh.. that was not meant to be..
• As you ALL know, I love myself very much (too much I think. )
• A cosy family dinner with cake cutting for the girls. (Yeah, they blew out the candles and cut the cake. Even the cake was a kiddy one. LOL)

On hindsight, my 30th birthday celebrations had been very low key and intimate, as opposed to my initial planned big party with booze, entertainers, extravagant cake and food etc. When it comes to the crunch, I simply prefer the mellower version these days. I think if I had not been working my ass off, I might have planned a Martha Stewart-like dinner party for the good friends at my place and just chill with wine thereafter.
I don’t know if this aversion to grandiose and extravagance is due to all these brand parties that I attend. All that booze, smooching, dancers, singers, models, air kissing, one-upmanship, couture, designer, competitiveness etc. I am so tired and blasé.

God, am I turning into an old fart??!!

• When I return home from work to a clean cosy home and Gean jumps with joy, tells me that she missed me and proceeds to give me a bear hug.
• When Ger tells Big he has to pamper me more because it’s a “man’s job” (not that he doesn’t )
• When Gean tells me “Mummy you are so pretty.”
• When Big gives me hugs and kisses randomly
• When Ger thinks of me and buys a chocolate donut for me
• When Big gives me a very nice artsy diary from his ad agency supplier because he knows I need it

I melt into a puddle and thank the One above for my little blessings. I am indeed blessed.