Just.

So my girl came in third for her category in the triathlon. She was a little peeved at losing out to boys – the first and second positions went to older boys. I was a little surprised that they did not segregate the sexes (this girls vs boys thing is so stale) but my guess is that they wanted to just make it a fun event rather than a competitive one.

The ‘prize’  is self explanatory too. No trophy or ribbons like in a competitive event, but a ‘winner’ sticker pasted on a huge tin of Milo.

Me, I am just glad she had fun.

Without going into false modesty that irks me so, I will simply confess that I am insanely and irrationally proud of my daughter – and rightfully so.

She’s beat 84 other girls to win this championship cup.

If hearts could explode with maternal pride, mine would have done so many times over.

It makes the 25 kg weight gain (which never really went away), the I-wanna-pull-my-hair-out-why-is-this-girl-such-a-mule frustration and the crazy work/ family juggling all worth it.

Oh, and she is taking part in a triathlon this Saturday.

Does my girl rock or does she rock?

So my daughter draws all kinds of monsters, some conjured from the recesses of her mind. I am awed, humbled and impressed, all at the same time.

She also did an architectural looking sketch of the Eiffel tower for her camp tee design (which I of course forgot to snap a picture before she submitted it)

My daughter, cool in a kooky nonchalant way

I have long learned to let go when it was painfully clear that she was not and will never be the stupidly mystical girly princess I conjured in my mind. You know, the ballerina who plays the piano, incurably dainty, minds her Ps and Qs and is princessably (yes, I know there is no such word, but hey this is my blog) perfect. I had pigheadedly tried to enrol her in ballet when it was clear that she prefers sports like netball, tennis and soccer.

I call it the ‘trying to do the right thing’ complex and I have been fighting this ever since.

The right thing – this is highly debatable and indeed, if we try to define it by the world’s standard (and by the world, I mean meddling nosy people who have no business commenting in other people’s family business), it is headed for disaster.

To define it by our own parenting standards is another minefield because like it or not, we are burdened by the influences of our own upbringing, the baggage from our own childhood and experience, and the conventions of society. It takes a very conscious effort to break out and look at things from a fresh eye of perspective.

You know how it is in dreams – you think you are seeing and experiencing things but when you really open your eyes, you realize that you are in quite another place and seeing quite something else?

So my girl is not a fairy tale princess.

She plays defender in the school netball team. She plays soccer with boys. She drops 100 pushups (proper kickass pushups and not girly ‘knee’ pushups) at a go. She wants to play the guitar and drums. Her art blows my mind.

I think my daughter is darn cool in a way that rocks my world and it sure as hell aint hereditary.

*Cues thunder and lightning* Am I the only remaining Singaporean parent to feel this way?

I am not against having tuition for the kids if they need help but I am against having tuition for the kids if you want to ace everyone else, ace everything and to play the senseless one up game with everyone else. I know some parents who are proud to have their kids tutored in all the subjects just to be ‘ahead’ in the rat race.

This is like winning in the Special Olympics. If you need to ask why, stop reading.

I have never forced tuition on Germaine because

1. she doesn’t need it.
2. I don’t need her to glorify me with her results
3. honestly, who found the stuff they learned in school relevant when they started working? I am not the only one who feels this way. Big shot investment banking lawyer also ok.

I also rebel against positioning education as a win or lose situation. I hate the way our education system pushes parents and students to choose courses which are “useful”, “practical” or “in-demand” (rather than the courses for which the student has a genuine interest).

This education system also ostracized people who may not score well academically, but are nevertheless talented and intelligent. Now it begs the question,

“Are examinations the only way to gauge your potential, talent and intelligence?”

I have friends who will never dream of sending their kids to Sports School in case the children ‘don’t have something to fall back on’. Is this the fault of the parents? No.

This is the fault of this elitist government who has worshipped the God of Academic Results. An ‘A team‘ which has lost (only) billions in investments  and came up with gems like Job Credit Scheme.

Lastly, look at poor Rebecca Wong (or rather, poor Rebecca Wong’s parents).

ST Nov 29, 2008
Tuition not the way to success

WHEN I collected my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results in 1985, I was told I had been selected to attend a Special Assistance Plan (SAP) secondary school. This sudden ‘promotion’ did my parents proud but it gave me much stress. The moment I started at the SAP school, I fell from being the top girl to being among the top 15. For the first time in my life, I knew I was simply ‘not good enough’ and was bitterly disappointed with myself.

Since almost everyone ahead of me had tuition of various kinds, I told my parents I needed help too.It was not long before my single-income family began to channel huge amounts towards education investment – tuition for me and my three siblings. One day, the principal of my SAP school in Katong asked to meet my parents concerning my lacklustre grades. He wanted me to drop chemistry and English literature specifically, ’so as not to pull down the school standard’. After my mother pleaded with him tearfully, this humiliating episode ended with more tuition for me and less retirement funds for my food-seller parents. In all, I had tuition in six out of 10 subjects, not because I did badly, but because I was not good enough to achieve the As and Bs the school was furiously churning out ….

Rebecca Wang

Ger is on hols till end of the year. While we have already planned the usual camps for them (they had just came back from their scuba/ archery/ bowling camps), I hope we won’t tear out too much of our hair out the rest of the time. LOL. I don’t believe in spoonfeeding entertainment or activities to fill out her day (after all she is quite independent and already has a plan of what she is going to do). She remembered that the quota of borrowed books is doubled to 8 per person during school holidays and had asked if she could go every week. Amenities like the pool, soccer field, basketball court and tennis court are at our convenience so I think we are in good hands.

And no, she is not ‘going through the next year’s syllabus’ as what I have heard from some parents’ intentions. Poor kids – are they the victims of their parents’ over demanding expectations or the society’s punishing pace and pressure? I don’t do this not only because I want to retain whatever vestiges of childhood she has, I also don’t want to risk her getting bored because we have been through the syllabus. After all, someone had been known to get up to no good when she gets bored.

Anyway, we have been swimming in the mornings, going to the library, taking walks and having games at home so far. She’s still having her ballet weekly and will be going back to school for intensive netball training. She’s been selected for the school team next year and will be in Sports Class – something that she had been aiming for. It’s not the first time I feel glad that I have enrolled her in this convent – where the culture and spirit encourages values, principles, character and belief in self.

After all, efforts at home need to be complemented by a corresponding system and culture in school. That is also why I was not interested in a ‘top school’ where there will definitely be an over emphasis on academic results, homework, holiday classes and what nots. I am quite pleased with her results, even though the Chinese was less than ideal because she missed out an entire chunk of questions at the back due to time issue.

When I told her she has to learn to manage her time in examinations instead of saying ‘not enough time’, she glibly told me that there were people who scored worse and they did all the questions. To which I gave my usual refrain – look not to the bottom but to the top. I wanted to start on my ‘you are your own best and worst competitor’ spiel but she was starting to roll her eyes.

Having a game of reversi with Ger

Having a spot of tea with the girl
When I am watching my CSI/ Dexter/ Monk etc, I like to have a pot of tea on with some finger food. Sometimes, the telly is on while I surf the net, do some crafts or flip through magazines. Any fellow multi taskers out there?

Malay kueh kueh

Weak brew of Lapsang – I love this cup. Big bought it for me – he knows I like old school stuff.

I was going through the old photo albums because the children are away in their scuba/ archery/ bowling camp and I am as usual, being a wuss and missing the scampers.

Sigh, seems like yesterday when Ger was such a geram little baby!!!

So cheeky!

So geram!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmm, I don’t know why she looks so ‘mabok’ here. LOL

Fond memories of her wearing a dress.

Earnest little schoolgirl

At a friend’s home

She looked ‘kuailan’ in this pic! LOL

Another one of her in a dress.

Sigh, and now she is ten going on twenty. How time flies.

I was going through my elder dd’s homework yesterday and saw this worksheet marked by her teacher.

It was an assignment where she was supposed to fill in the dialogue by a cat burglar in some pictures.

First Picture
Burglar going into the house

She wrote: Wah! No one in the house sia!! Good, man! 

I, like, wanted to die on the spot.

I asked her, why did you write like that?! Since when do we ever speak like that?!

Her calm reply: He is a cat burglar, mum. Cat burglars talk like that.

I am ALL l “I don’t know what to say”.

Chocolate Fudge Cake from Secret Recipe. Very nice! I promised the girls to make their birthday cakes the next time (after the Kitchen Aid arrives from US).

With her classmates

Photos taken by Big who brought her cake and the Hello Kitty gifts for her classmates to school

Happy!

With good friends.

*Very picture-intensive post!*

Yesterday we celebrated Germaine’s 10th birthday at Build-a-Bear (BAB) as per her request. She had originally wanted a pool party at our new place, but she finally opted for the BAB party after many a change of minds. The move, packing, unpacking, cleaning on top of working full time and running the business had just about drained me, although I would organize the party; food, logistics, entertainment etc, if she had still wanted it, just to prove to myself that “I can do it”. That is how crazily sadistic and “siao” I am.

I think it works out well this way because we are doing a cosy little housewarming party in September anyway, and are also planning to do a laid back BBQ/ beer party by the pool with our friends.

It’s funny how things always just works out well for us. Very Ah Q.

I am glad we got to do this BAB party for her birthday. All her birthday guests had so much fun! And I like that the children got to go back with a bear (with clothing! It’s like Barbie, only with bears) of their choice as a memento.  

With her good friend, T, who is such a lovely and well mannered little girl.

Happy girls (more…)

Happy 10th Birthday Germaine! It seems like yesterday when you were a wriggling feisty baby, out of caesarean because you were too naughty to turn. And now, you are too smartypants for your skinny pants and your Mummy is ageing before your every eyes.

And even though you drive me up the wall with your horridly senile ways (more forgetful than I am!) and your mouthiness (but Muuummmmmyyy it’s so hard to be good), I still love you as much because I know you are a good girl at heart.

**

I played hooky yesterday to pick up yesterday to pick up the huge ass chocolate fudge cake and party gifts (ALL 40 black/ pink goth Hello Kitty pouches) for her party in school today. Also dropped by Build-a Bear to pay the deposit for the party on Sunday. Thank God this year, she wanted to do it at Build-a-Bear. If she had wanted to do a pool party as planned, I would have to organize food, games, pinata, pool, clown, magician etc). So big phew for BAB. And honestly, I don’t know if the other parents can stomach the thought of me hosting the party in a skimpy bikini. OK, stop tsk tsking, I was just KIDDING.

**

Having the flexibility of working from anywhere that he wants to, Big brought the big ass cake and big bag of gifts to school during Germaine’s recess, and helped to do the lighting candles, cake cutting, photo taking etc. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside when he does stuff like this.

OK, I am not that old. Lest those of you who are older zap me with your evil eye.

But I AM old at heart, I swear.

As the years or months go by, I find myself behaving more and more like an old biddy.

Frowning on people who smoke and drink. Clucking away like an old hen at heavily tattooed backs (of females, no less!). Disgust at people who don’t know the simple courtesy of social etiquette.

Arranging my money notes by order and facing the correct way. Putting away my receipts and bills in segmented files. Believing in home-cooked food for the children, and thus making my way home after work to cook dinner.

I scarily sound more and more like my mom. Eww. Hahahaa!!

I brought her out for hi tea last Sunday and we will be doing the daddy, mummy, aunty, Big, me and kids thing this Sunday. Woo.

**

Ger just presented me with a porcelain tea cup and spoon for Mother’s Day. Actually I am not big on Mother’s Day. It’s just a hyped up commercial day like V day. But I couldn’t hurt her feelings by dumping my cynical worldly crap on her so I accepted the gift with grace.

Ah well. Better the child who cares than the child who cannot be bothered, no?

who doesn’t know how to play.

There you have it.

I don’t know how to play. It’s true. I never had Barbies as a child. I preferred doodling on my activity books. And now as a mother, I don’t know how to and don’t like to play. Kiddy games bore me to death and I always encourage the children to play by themselves, entertain themselves.

Yes, bad mum in a way, but I’d rather they have lots of fun on their own, than that I patronize them by zoning off when “playing” or simply tolerate the boredom. Please don’t get me wrong, I really adore and love my kids to pieces, but I have never found the thrill in engaging in baby or cutesy voice games or playing with toys. On the same note, I cannot stomach the thought of running around and chasing each other on the beach under the scotching sun while a nice little picnic under the shade while building sandcastles are so much more enjoyable. I would much rather make something with them; think baking, beading, painting, sculpting etc than to engage in play that leads to no where (to me).

Is this the pragmatic Singaporean in me wrecking its havoc or is it simply just me?

**

Being totally incapable of playing with the PSP/ PS3/ X Box 3/ arcade games etc, I make it a point of dating Germaine on “Germaine dates”. That is, we leave Gean with my parents and take only Ger out with us. The last date was a movie outing and we went for The Spiderwick Chronicles. As a child, I was enthralled by The Never Ending Story and I wanted to share the magic of a fantasy adventure and make believe with her. The Spiderwick Chronicles was pleasant for the adults and the children alike, but honestly a far cry from the The Never Ending Story. It really lacked the magical fantasy, far flung imaginations and mythical flight of the The Never Ending Story.

But we did enjoy ourselves. It’s the company that matters. We also did have a personal joke about watching the “Pork Chop goes to Town” (!!) instead and had a few good giggles about it. OK there is no such movie title and don’t ask how the hell it came about and left us in stitches. I don’t know where to start the explanations. All I can say is, I am absolutely evil.

**

Speaking of evil, I swear kids these days can be such miniature Cruellas. The whole cliquish and Gossip Girls situation in primary schools these days? Vicious. Or so I hear from from Ger in our own Gossip Girls sessions. Do you remember as a child, there is always this uber cool and exclusive group of kids, the one that had their own code names/ special words and rituals? I do, and I listen to my child talk about her friends with a mixed sense of relief (that she is not ostracized or an outcast), a weird sense of aversion and fear (I do remember that I was never part of cliques and indeed, still as anti social today) and a strange feeling of having my little girl grow up into this streetsmart smartypants little mouthpiece who actually knows about snarky rebuttals, turning one’s back on manipulation and being being different and yet being comfortable in being her own self.

My girl is growing up so fast that it feels very spacey and oddball for me.I laughed hard at her anecdotes and I teared a little when I thought about the time when she shared so poignantly that she felt different and that she didn’t have many friends.

Yes, we have come a long way, baby.

Today I came back slightly earlier than usual as my back was killing me. We were moving office today and the packing for the last few days coupled with the coordinations today had simply taken its toll on me. At an unearthly 8.30pm (!) I retired to the bedroom with Gean to rest for a while.

I was shocked to see tears in her eyes. I asked her why she was crying. She softly answered that she loves me and she feels very sad that I am hurting.

Ger is also like that. There was once she overheard me talking with Big that I was afraid that I might be paralyzed from spinal cord complications and she started sobbing, to my chagrin. Sometimes I forget that the kids are very alert to our conversations..

There was once during our mother and daughter sharings that I told Gean that I was a little sad when she went out with her father. To me, it was merely conversational.

She started tearing up. I got a wake up call to being sensitive about what seems perfectly conversational to me might make the kids feel sad, and it’s very sad at that.

Now, lest you think my kids are whiny and crybaby kids, they are not. If you had been following my blog, you would have guessed that Ger is a sporty, spunky and outgoing kid, while Gean is a bubbly and sunshiny child.

Their only weakness is a very soft heart. And it’s not a bad vulnerability to have, don’t you think?

We went away during the CNY for a short weekend trip to KL, thus missing the potluck get-together at Ratna’s place on the 9th. So many places to go, so little time! LOL.

I promised the children that I’d bring them to Sunway Lagoon again, as seeing that it drizzled on our parade during the last trip in December. So KL it was to be. This trip also was very special as it was the first time I ever travelled with a girlfriend (told ya I was a loner! ) and what’s more with her son and hubby in tow too.. Joshie’s a superbly well behaved and easy baby to hit the road with, and my girls adore him to pieces. I have to be admonished to the hilt for my lack of photo taking responsibility as I totally forgot to take pictures of the girls with joshie and of our lok lok pigout at Jalan Alor! Armed with the nifty little Canon Big bought for me but always forgetting to use it when need be. Dreadful.

The girls at the hotel (more…)

Genting pictures at last!! LOL.

Misty and deliciously cool..

Queueing up to get tortured. (more…)

OK we had travelled to several other places already and I still had not uploaded the Cameron Highland and Batu Caves pics from last year. *blush*

BATU CAVES

(more…)

I am so proud of my girl, especially as seeing Math is her weakest subject. She’s in the school team for Netball this year too so it’s going to be a busy year for her.

My girl is growing to be a confident spunky big girl. Today she came back from school and told me that she got a Valentine’s Day gift from an admirer.

*faints*

There are so many thoughts running through my head now that I don’t know what to say and how to say it.

For one, I am so furious that my stomach is starting to eat me up in bile.

In case you think that I still have a thing for him and therefore being affected by seeing him with another woman, I am not. I know this man for what he is, and I only have condolences for the next woman who is welcome to keep every part of him, memories included.

I am furious that I was actually stupid enough to send the girls there and coming back (freaking expensive cab fare $40!!!) for his convenience so that he can spend time with them and his girlfriend! Considerate FOOL!

I am furious that I am being branded the Scarlett woman by his family while he maintains this innocent facade of being “cheated on” as they all know about me and Big by now. This lying SOB cheated on me with a Chinese national while I was working my ass off to support the family because his lousy salary is simply too measly to be a sole breadwinner. I don’t blame the other woman as I believe that you can’t make one hand clap without the other. I despise the cowardly liar that he had always been and always will be. Even then he did not have the guts to own up to what he did, and instead, placed all the blame on me. How I had never been a submissive gentle woman. How I had never pandered to his whims and wishes. Submissive and gentle, my ass! I am trained to be tough like what I am today, partially thanks to this SOB who cannot take care of his family and leaves the burden of bringing home the dough and taking care of the family to his wife. And even till today, when he was taken aback by me waiting downstairs for the girls (he was intending to send the girls upstairs so that I won’t get to see the other woman (yet another Chinese national), he continued to be a cowardly liar being casually introducing her as a “friend” while she remained seated in the front seat of the taxi and steadfastly refused to look in my direction.

I am furious that he spread false rumours of me to our neighbours and the losers hanging out at the coffeeshops downstairs that I cheated on him and how he is such a victim. I hate women who are “shui xing yang hua” and I am definitely not one! It is such an insult to me that he is spreading these false rumours and a woman’s reputation is so very important and fragile. Yet I tried to overcome my fury and indignation by continuing to send the girls to his mother’s house every weekend, letting the girls see him every week despite feeling contempt and anger for such a piece of scum. Fine, what doesn’t kill me makes me a stronger person. But I think enough is enough.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I am not being noble for I am definitely not that good a person. I have always maintained that I am bitchy, impatient, bad tempered and nasty. It is not in me that I let the girls continue seeing the father which I know inside is such a piece of useless shit. It is for them that I try so hard, for no matter what, I thought that they should have a bond with their natural father.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Be it that I am a selfish bitch who alienate her kids from their father. Be it that I feel that they don’t need a piece of scum like him to be their father. Big is big in heart and mind and more than qualified to be their dad, and most importantly, more than willing to be a good father to them. They don’t need this person, who gives them half a day of each week and spends the rest drinking and smoking at night spots. They don’t need this person who lies and have no integrity whatsoever to guide them in life. They don’t need another mother.

I didn’t let him take me down when he cheated on me. I didn’t let him take me down when he smeared my reputation. I won’t let him take me down now as he attempts to play mind games with my children. YOU MESS WITH MY CHILDREN, YOU FUCKING MESS WITH ME AND THAT, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF LOSER SHIT, IS THE LAST STRAW.

ENOUGH IS FUCKING ENOUGH. I had been cordial enough so far mainly because of the kids but now, I am going to take you down. I am going to take you down so low. BY the time I am finished with you, you’d wish you’d never been born.

After our reunion dinner just now, I made the decision to send the girls to their paternal side. This year, their reunion dinner was held at my third ex sister-in-law’s house. With the exception of the eldest ex SIL who is a nice humble hardworking lady and the youngest one, I do not like the other two SILs. The second is a hard core gambler who neglects her sons. This third one is a materialistic, boastful and competitive parasite. The four one no longer exists and has gone on to greener pastures. It used to be me lah. Hahahahaha!!

Anyway in my usual this that and the other manner, I was trying to say that I was trying to be a better person by letting the girls be with their paternal family, although I would not and could not partake of that dinner. My ex parents in law did invite me to join in but it would be too awkward for me and everyone else. In the end, it is 12.45am now and my girls are nowhere to be seen. I had always ushered in both ‘1st January’s and Chinese New Years with my girls and this year I had to wait for them to come home. At 12.45am.

Update: I just got to know that he brought his girlfriend there to join in their reunion dinner. Not that I care now but I am very pissed that I was stupid and “noble” enough to send my girls there so that he can have his tian lun zhi le! My girls should be at home with US!!!

Never again.

As promised…. PICTURES and updates!! Our first stop: KL, Sunway Lagoon.

The original plan was to take the kids to the ginormous Water and Dry Theme Parks In Sunway Lagoon, but it was raining when we got there. Bugger. Guess we have to make another trip soon.

So we went ice skating at Sunway Shopping Complex instead.

I joined Big and the girls to (finally learn how to) ice skate but I had to exit after less than a minute. Reason: I could feel my back acting up. The very posture of ice skating might have strained on the back, I don’t know. Such a pity as I am always gungho to learn new things. Under normal circumstances, you won’t see me sitting on the bench looking gu niang but that is exactly what I did that day. Capital L big time.

Looking at Big teach Gean how to skate so patiently makes me feel mellow even though it feels like someone is stabbing me in the lower back repeatedly. In fact, the girls cut short their skating time so that we can go to the pharmacy to get some painkillers for me. I can’t begin to articulate how proud and touched I am by my kids. No tantrums, no reluctance. On the contrary, they were worried and concerned that I am in pain. Ger kept asking if I am ok and Gean gave me little massages of sorts on my back. They are very sweet kids and I am a very blessed woman. Now you see why this trip was so special and happy to me.

Naughty little angel

Posing with a very friendly lion mascot

This picture was taken after we left the ice skating rink.

See how cheerful and happy they are?

Sisters