Just.

Ah, that wonderful feel shitty inside, questioning if you are an adequate mum, twisted insides syndrome. I get it from time to time. When I hear about how the top student in their school get like at least 10 hours of tuition a week, I wonder if I am being a shit ass mom by not doing the same for my girls. Same goes for baby flash cards, whatever superpower camps, lada lada lada. I want to let the kids enjoy their childhood as much as I can let them, but yet I am so horridly insecure about the ‘what if’s.

I never had that confidence in knowing everything about being a great mum. I’ll be worrying about the kids and then chastising myself for worrying. I lost count of how many times I didn’t know something and had to let good ole common sense tide me over.

I felt it in the past when I had to work and I get pointed remarks like how we ought to be stay home mums if we decide to have kids.

I feel it now as a stay home mum, that I should somehow do more for them. Yes, I know I have issues.

Sometimes I think I got a whole load of  baggage when it comes to my kids. BAH.

The kind of test to do on a lazy afternoon when you have nothing better much to do or nursing a bad nose.

So anyway, here’s mine. Benevolent Ruler huh?

When it comes to Shaping Their Character, you’re

Specific Whether you’re an earth mother or a PTA president (or both!), you’re very concerned with setting specific expectations for your kids’ behavior. You do this both by telling them what to do and acting as a role model, and, in general, you expect them to follow your careful guidance. As a parent, you think you should be very actively involved in fostering your children’s growth, which includes determining what activities they should engage in – sports, tutoring, music, chores, art, yoga, whatever. When it comes to everything from family meals to manners and morals, you know what’s best.

When it comes to Making the Rules, you’re

A Benevolent Ruler When it comes to setting rules and expectations with your kids, you’re sort of a benevolent dictator – in the nicest way. When you know what’s best for them, there’s no need to discuss your decisions. But when it’s appropriate, you’re happy to take a more democratic approach and let your kids have their say. This kind of combination of firmness and fairness means that you can have open discussions with your children while still being able to assert your authority when it matters.

When it comes to Enforcing Discipline, you’re

Firm but Fair You’re firm, but fair. In general, you take an assertive approach to discipline. You think it’s best, since being direct lets kids know what’s expected of them. At the same time, parents like you indicated that children should be allowed some room to be free and explore; you’re happy for your kids to experiment and take chances (within reason), as long as they respect and obey their parents. There’s no purpose served by being overly strict.

While I generally don’t like people taking my pictures, I have to confess that I love love love these pictures taken by my daughters. All artistic directions courtesy of my girls

Taken by Geanyne

Taken by Germaine

Although I had put on 25kg after the first pregnancy (weight that clung on to me like an ah lian clinging on to her ah beng), my weight had been somewhat constant over the last 10 years. I am at peace with myself, my body and size, though there are days where I feel impossibly fat.

It also helps that I totally see through my own bullshit – so get along with the delusions, excuses and self pity. I am big (and a greasy size 16), so what?

So don’t let the people out there tell you size 0 and not 10 is the way to go. You decide for yourself. Moreover, grooming and style makes for an attractive woman, not the label on the clothing. And that ex fatty who lost some weight and deem it fit to mock other fatties now?

I feel sad for her because it takes a certain amount of ugliness to put other people down.

And between you and me, slim camwhoring bloggers are a dime a dozen but a Queen Latifah size camwhoring blogger.. now that’s rare.

So yes, I am fat and happy. Shoot me.

The other day when we were headed to Ikea, I stalled to check if I remembered to bring the children’s Smaland passports to collect them stickers.

Aiyoh, so aunty, can or not.

Indeed, if you had told the uber cool me ten years ago who thought it was so unglamorous to even have to queue to get into a club (I expected to be signed in) that I would one day collect point stickers for my children, I would have laughed querulously in your face.

Then I would have baulked at leaving the partying behind to have kids.

Now, I would baulk at the thought of leaving the kids behind to go partying.

How things have changed.

Without going into false modesty that irks me so, I will simply confess that I am insanely and irrationally proud of my daughter – and rightfully so.

She’s beat 84 other girls to win this championship cup.

If hearts could explode with maternal pride, mine would have done so many times over.

It makes the 25 kg weight gain (which never really went away), the I-wanna-pull-my-hair-out-why-is-this-girl-such-a-mule frustration and the crazy work/ family juggling all worth it.

Oh, and she is taking part in a triathlon this Saturday.

Does my girl rock or does she rock?

So my daughter draws all kinds of monsters, some conjured from the recesses of her mind. I am awed, humbled and impressed, all at the same time.

She also did an architectural looking sketch of the Eiffel tower for her camp tee design (which I of course forgot to snap a picture before she submitted it)

My daughter, cool in a kooky nonchalant way

I have long learned to let go when it was painfully clear that she was not and will never be the stupidly mystical girly princess I conjured in my mind. You know, the ballerina who plays the piano, incurably dainty, minds her Ps and Qs and is princessably (yes, I know there is no such word, but hey this is my blog) perfect. I had pigheadedly tried to enrol her in ballet when it was clear that she prefers sports like netball, tennis and soccer.

I call it the ‘trying to do the right thing’ complex and I have been fighting this ever since.

The right thing – this is highly debatable and indeed, if we try to define it by the world’s standard (and by the world, I mean meddling nosy people who have no business commenting in other people’s family business), it is headed for disaster.

To define it by our own parenting standards is another minefield because like it or not, we are burdened by the influences of our own upbringing, the baggage from our own childhood and experience, and the conventions of society. It takes a very conscious effort to break out and look at things from a fresh eye of perspective.

You know how it is in dreams – you think you are seeing and experiencing things but when you really open your eyes, you realize that you are in quite another place and seeing quite something else?

So my girl is not a fairy tale princess.

She plays defender in the school netball team. She plays soccer with boys. She drops 100 pushups (proper kickass pushups and not girly ‘knee’ pushups) at a go. She wants to play the guitar and drums. Her art blows my mind.

I think my daughter is darn cool in a way that rocks my world and it sure as hell aint hereditary.

*Cues thunder and lightning* Am I the only remaining Singaporean parent to feel this way?

I am not against having tuition for the kids if they need help but I am against having tuition for the kids if you want to ace everyone else, ace everything and to play the senseless one up game with everyone else. I know some parents who are proud to have their kids tutored in all the subjects just to be ‘ahead’ in the rat race.

This is like winning in the Special Olympics. If you need to ask why, stop reading.

I have never forced tuition on Germaine because

1. she doesn’t need it.
2. I don’t need her to glorify me with her results
3. honestly, who found the stuff they learned in school relevant when they started working? I am not the only one who feels this way. Big shot investment banking lawyer also ok.

I also rebel against positioning education as a win or lose situation. I hate the way our education system pushes parents and students to choose courses which are “useful”, “practical” or “in-demand” (rather than the courses for which the student has a genuine interest).

This education system also ostracized people who may not score well academically, but are nevertheless talented and intelligent. Now it begs the question,

“Are examinations the only way to gauge your potential, talent and intelligence?”

I have friends who will never dream of sending their kids to Sports School in case the children ‘don’t have something to fall back on’. Is this the fault of the parents? No.

This is the fault of this elitist government who has worshipped the God of Academic Results. An ‘A team‘ which has lost (only) billions in investments  and came up with gems like Job Credit Scheme.

Lastly, look at poor Rebecca Wong (or rather, poor Rebecca Wong’s parents).

ST Nov 29, 2008
Tuition not the way to success

WHEN I collected my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results in 1985, I was told I had been selected to attend a Special Assistance Plan (SAP) secondary school. This sudden ‘promotion’ did my parents proud but it gave me much stress. The moment I started at the SAP school, I fell from being the top girl to being among the top 15. For the first time in my life, I knew I was simply ‘not good enough’ and was bitterly disappointed with myself.

Since almost everyone ahead of me had tuition of various kinds, I told my parents I needed help too.It was not long before my single-income family began to channel huge amounts towards education investment – tuition for me and my three siblings. One day, the principal of my SAP school in Katong asked to meet my parents concerning my lacklustre grades. He wanted me to drop chemistry and English literature specifically, ’so as not to pull down the school standard’. After my mother pleaded with him tearfully, this humiliating episode ended with more tuition for me and less retirement funds for my food-seller parents. In all, I had tuition in six out of 10 subjects, not because I did badly, but because I was not good enough to achieve the As and Bs the school was furiously churning out ….

Rebecca Wang

Ger is on hols till end of the year. While we have already planned the usual camps for them (they had just came back from their scuba/ archery/ bowling camps), I hope we won’t tear out too much of our hair out the rest of the time. LOL. I don’t believe in spoonfeeding entertainment or activities to fill out her day (after all she is quite independent and already has a plan of what she is going to do). She remembered that the quota of borrowed books is doubled to 8 per person during school holidays and had asked if she could go every week. Amenities like the pool, soccer field, basketball court and tennis court are at our convenience so I think we are in good hands.

And no, she is not ‘going through the next year’s syllabus’ as what I have heard from some parents’ intentions. Poor kids – are they the victims of their parents’ over demanding expectations or the society’s punishing pace and pressure? I don’t do this not only because I want to retain whatever vestiges of childhood she has, I also don’t want to risk her getting bored because we have been through the syllabus. After all, someone had been known to get up to no good when she gets bored.

Anyway, we have been swimming in the mornings, going to the library, taking walks and having games at home so far. She’s still having her ballet weekly and will be going back to school for intensive netball training. She’s been selected for the school team next year and will be in Sports Class – something that she had been aiming for. It’s not the first time I feel glad that I have enrolled her in this convent – where the culture and spirit encourages values, principles, character and belief in self.

After all, efforts at home need to be complemented by a corresponding system and culture in school. That is also why I was not interested in a ‘top school’ where there will definitely be an over emphasis on academic results, homework, holiday classes and what nots. I am quite pleased with her results, even though the Chinese was less than ideal because she missed out an entire chunk of questions at the back due to time issue.

When I told her she has to learn to manage her time in examinations instead of saying ‘not enough time’, she glibly told me that there were people who scored worse and they did all the questions. To which I gave my usual refrain – look not to the bottom but to the top. I wanted to start on my ‘you are your own best and worst competitor’ spiel but she was starting to roll her eyes.

Having a game of reversi with Ger

Having a spot of tea with the girl
When I am watching my CSI/ Dexter/ Monk etc, I like to have a pot of tea on with some finger food. Sometimes, the telly is on while I surf the net, do some crafts or flip through magazines. Any fellow multi taskers out there?

Malay kueh kueh

Weak brew of Lapsang – I love this cup. Big bought it for me – he knows I like old school stuff.

We went to Gean’s K1 concert last Friday. She was dancing as a watermelon to ‘The Fruit of the Spirit’. Like her sister, she took to the stage beautifully and was quite the trooper.

Ger very gamely took the video of her sister dancing which was very sweet but really, her video cannot make it. She was trying to take the footage of everybody and in certain sequences, her sister was cut out! We are so buying the official DVD. LOL

Suddenly I feel that my baby is growing up so quickly and it seemed like yesterday when she was just a geram little baby. Sigh.

I am not fascinated with grades per se. And no, I am not a negligent mum. I just dislike the idea of grades being all indicative of a child’s understanding and intelligence. Unconventional perhaps, but not that radical.

So far, Germaine has not had any tuition, despite her weak grades in Mathematics. She doesn’t like the idea and prefers being taught by us – conveniently ignoring the fact my blood pressure shoots up every time I have to coach her. And have you seen those Primary Maths questions lately? Still, they are trying to ‘boost primary education‘. Enough already! If this trend continues, all the monetary incentives they throw up cannot convince me to have a third child.

Anyway, my refusal to let grades define my child’s intelligence does not mean that I do not praise her when she does well.

Similarly, when she scores reasonably good marks, I don’t let up on her if I know that she can score better and has started being complacent.

My point is, grades are not a complete indicator of a child’s education. In some cases, some children cannot handle the stress and their nervousness during examinations and end up not doing as well as they could in normal circumstances.

Another reason why I feel that grades should not be all indicative of a child’s intelligence and abilities is also because some children might be late bloomers. If your child could not speak well even to the age of nine, did poorly in school and had a teacher who told you that he ‘could not amount to anything’, would you feel that he is a ‘gone case’?

Well, I would hardly label Albert Einstein as a ‘gone case’.

Not every one of our children may be gifted academically but I believe that every child has his or her own talent. I have known children who have flunked their academic subjects but who are good in the kitchen, sports or arts. And who is to say that these children are failures?

It is our society and our culture that determines academia to be the ultimate success. Don’t be deceived or trapped by the herd mentality. It is people like Bill Gates and Sim Wong Hoo who are laughing their way to the bank.

**

I have a story that I would like to share with my readers.

There was once a boy whose nickname is “Dummy”. He was in 5th grade and thought that he was stupid. Although he grew up in a very poor neighborhood in Detroit his mother, who worked as a domestic,  believed that he and his older brother could only succeed through education.  She worked 2, sometimes 3 menial jobs to take care of them.

**

Next up: Point #2 on education – stop the mollycoddling and babysitting.

The recent media coverage on Generation Y set me thinking. Is there much difference in the values and urban culture between the Generation Y and Generation X (like myself)?

I have been independent since 16. I will shamefully admit that I experimented with Sonia Rykiel, Thomas Chantal and Jean Paul Gaultier in secondary school (ah lian!) but I never had the cheek to ask my parents to fund my frivolousities. After I moved out and rented my own pad, I was flying solo all the way. Whenever I hear of people in their 30s still reaching out their hands to their parents to pay for loan instalments or credit card bills, I’d get very bemused. I also cannot reconcile with the fact that some youngsters are being totally spoonfed by their parents – nurtured to be soft spoilt individuals.

Ms Agnes Lin seems to fit the profile of the soft spoilt Gen Y very well.

She thinks a friend of hers, who is left with $20 to last until the end of the month, is silly to consider taking up a part-time job to earn some extra cash.

‘I don’t understand why she cannot just ask her parents for money,’ sighed Miss Lin.

I thank my parents for bringing me up in a sensible ‘tough love’ manner. They provided us children with the necessities like food, clothing, education etc and we have never lacked. When I demonstrated a gift at music and playing the piano, my parents bought a piano for me and started me on lessons. My brother trained in martial arts because that was his interest. My point is, my parents never ever stinged on us but they also never spoilt us in the ridiculous manner some parents are guilty of. Most importantly, we grew up to be independent and tough adults who can survive on our own without handouts from anyone.

So what happens if her monetary source from her parents should get unexpectedly cut off one day? Would she turn to easy money, given her propensity for materialistic indulgence?

With her first pay packet, she will buy a $4,000 Chanel bag. ‘After that, I will probably get more bags and watches,’ she added.

There is nothing wrong with spending your own money. However, there is no mention of contributing towards the household expenses or any gestures to her parents. As a student, she is already wrapped up in materialism and shows much potential for credit debt (which her parents will no doubt pay for). Congratulations to her parents for raising a spoilt brat seemingly detached from the reality of the real world. I know my own mother would have given me two tight slaps (and rightfully so) if I had demonstrated such idiotic behaviour. Hell, I would give my daughter two tight slaps if she ever pulled such a stunt.

**

*Update* : This is Agnes Lin’s blog – where she stated that she was misquoted. If that is so, there is grounds for legal action because it is defamation, and not a simple case of mistake by omission.

I would like to reiterate that I do not know Ms Lin and do not dislike her per se. I dislike the behaviour as alleged in the report.

*Further update* : If this is true, ST would have stooped to a new low. I am very appalled. Makes me question if we can trust what we read these days.

Let’s see if Agnes Lin is going to sue. I would if I were in her shoes.

ST PHOTO: CHEW SENG KIM

For 20-year-old undergraduate Agnes Lin, the recession could just be academic.

The Nanyang Technological University first-year student has never been in need: She carries a $2,000 Louis Vuitton handbag to school and uses only Shiseido cosmetic and skincare products.

She carries around the latest mobile phone and goes on overseas vacations with her friends where she would bust $1,000 on shopping alone.

Twice monthly, she shops at her favourite stores – Topshop, Zara and Forever21.

Mum, a private tutor, and Dad, a businessman selling polythene bags, pay for her expenses.

Miss Lin is aware that Singapore faces a recession but the news does not bother her.

She said: ‘I think it is okay for me to maintain my current lifestyle. I may be spending a little bit more than my friends but I don’t think I’m overspending.’

At the moment, she has her eyes on the latest mobile phone in the market, the HTC Touch Pro, which costs about $700.

Although her mother has said ‘no’ to her buying yet another mobile phone, Ms Lin has an inkling she will still get it.

‘I think my mum will still buy it for me. My birthday is coming up!’ she said with a giggle. She confessed that since young, she has never run out of cash. Her parents give her money whenever she asks.

Since she was 16, her monthly pocket money has been $500.

She has an older brother, also an undergraduate. The family live in a four-room flat in Marine Parade.

She thinks a friend of hers, who is left with $20 to last until the end of the month, is silly to consider taking up a part-time job to earn some extra cash.

‘I don’t understand why she cannot just ask her parents for money,’ sighed Miss Lin.

She will enter the working world only after three years but she is already planning ahead.

With her first pay packet, she will buy a $4,000 Chanel bag. ‘After that, I will probably get more bags and watches,’ she added.

I will admit that I was rather outraged when I first read the report. Being pregnant or even having a hard time of it is no excuse for abusing a helpless child entrusted in your help. From a mother’s point of view, I am horrified that a fellow mother can do this to another young child. From one who had experienced a difficult pregnancy, I cannot condone the excuse of one’s action under the guise of a difficult pregnancy.

I have never had a miscarriage so I won’t purport to speak from experience. However I really don’t see how miscarriages can cause one to abuse another child. Makes any sense to you? Not to me.

To punish another child in an unnecessarily harsh manner when she perceived the boy to have “bullied” her son, makes her exactly that. A bully. An adult bully armed with authority.

Is she sorry for what she had done? Or does she feel that she is being unfairly judged? The reporter had observed her to be sullen and there was no mention of remorse.

“Hasanah sat sullenly in the dock while Mr Gill pleaded with District Judge May Mesenas for a light sentence.”

There is simply no excuse for abandoning your children alone at home while you go partying. No excuse at all.

Partying mom gets 6-year sentence
THE ASAHI SHIMBUN

2008/9/4

SAITAMA–A mother who abandoned her children so she could party with her boyfriend was sentenced Wednesday to six years in prison for neglect resulting in the death of one of her 2-year-old twins.

She left the twins in the care of their 6-year-old brother.

Megumi Shimamura, 30, of Misato, Saitama Prefecture, had even blamed her son for the death of his younger brother during her 11-day absence, according to the ruling at the Saitama District Court.

Presiding Judge Yujiro Nakatani told Shimamura, “Such a heartless and inhumane crime makes one doubt (your) self-awareness, affection and humanity as a parent.”

Prosecutors had sought an eight-year sentence for negligence as a guardian.

According to the ruling, Shimamura, who is unemployed, left her house on March 3 because she wanted a break from child-rearing and to hang out with her boyfriend.

She reportedly told her 6-year-old son, “I will not return so take care of things.”

She also ordered him not to allow her grandmother, who was living in the same three-story house, to enter the quarters where the three children were living.

The son called the mother’s cellphone several dozen times a day but was largely ignored.

Shimamura’s grandmother tried to enter the rooms after hearing the children crying. But the eldest boy stopped her, saying, “Mom will scold me.”

Shimamura left hamburgers, bread, cookies and other food at the entrance of the house once or twice a day. But the food was not enough for the three children, the ruling said.

The twins’ diapers were never changed and the rooms soon became covered in filth.

On the evening of March 12, the 6-year-old called Shimamura to say that his younger brother would not wake up.

Shimamura returned to the house but did not have the courage to enter the rooms. So she went to a pub and got drunk, according the ruling.

The next day, the son called her again, saying, “He still won’t wake up.”

Before dawn on March 14, Shimamura returned home and found the 2-year-old boy dead with his mouth half-open in a playpen covered in garbage and feces.

She slapped the eldest boy’s face and said: “You are disqualified as my child. Though mama’s to blame, you’re to blame, too. You shouldn’t have eaten all the food by yourself.”

The 2-year-old boy had starved to death on March 12, according to the ruling. His twin sister was found seriously dehydrated.

Shimamura’s defense team said she could not get her family members to help out with the children, which created a situation that made her abandon her child-rearing duties.

The 6-year-old had told prosecutors: “Mom told me I was fired because I didn’t take care of the twins. It’s all my fault.”(IHT/Asahi: September 4,2008)

and there are parents. I thought I have seen the worst of child abuse cases in the form of neglect or violence but this … is appalling.

Why give birth to a child if you are not prepared to give him or her the best you can? And what if your “best” is hardly acceptable?

Would the child have been more “fortunate” if she was aborted from the beginning? Would this make a classic case for a pro choice argument?

The many grey shades in life. They sadden me.

That’s a nice poof of smoke! A good healthy dose of toxic second hand smoke for your child!

Look at how intently the kid is, looking at the mother smoking merrily away.

Starting young, thanks to mama.

I hate it when parents smoke in front or near their children. I hate it even more when mothers do it ala Britney, or worse, smoke when they are pregnant (some “warped” idea that a mother is the caregiver or nurturer and therefore should know better)

My dad was a smoker too, but he will go out of the house or go to the balcony, close the sliding door and smoke. I can’t even imagine my MUM smoking.

I find it strange when people believe that they are being good parents  – spend a bomb on tuition or whatnots BUT treat their kids to second hand smoke.

Seriously, cut the crap about stopping being too hard, withdrawal symptoms (do they last forever?), this ah that ah.  All crap.

There are some things I have zilch tolerance for and one of them would be crappy excuses for crappy things.

If you want to do something, you will find the ways and means to do it. My uncle smoked for thirty freaking years and was the most hardcore smoker I ever knew – he smoked Camel cigarettes with no filter, ok. Guess what? He quit last year.

Just to share – I was smoking for five years – at least one to two big packs a day. When I found out I was preggers with Ger, I stopped smoking pronto cold turkey. No lesser sticks per day, no nicotine patch, no acupuncture lalala, nothing. Just came out from gynae, threw away the cigarette box (still had 17 sticks! I remember!) and that’s it.

Of course it’s tough. I would be lying if I said it was a breeze. Headaches, crankiness, tempers, running nose, cough, sore throats as my body purged the toxins accumulated over five years.

Yeah it’s tough. So?

**

As for Britney, I think she is damn messed up and would be better cleaning up her act. AND PLEASE stop interviews on how great a mother she thinks she is. I know I sound mean but it’s better for her kids (for now) that she lost custody to Federline.  It’s amazing how a mum like that can think she’s a “good mum“. Delusion is a dangerous thing.

I don’t dare to proclaim myself as a good mum, but I try my best and I definitely don’t and can’t pull fantastic stunts like that.

So we packed the kids off to swim/soccer camp. June and December are months where the equivalent amount of a third world country’s GDP is spent on camps, holiday activities and what nots for the children. This June we are not going away on a long holiday… as… we will be moving to a new place.

The.packing.and.moving.is.stressing.me.out.

I don’t know about you, but I hate moving. Sure, I love the moving to a bigger and nicer place part, but I dread the packing, wrapping, labelling, unpacking and sorting. It’s only with the finished unpacking and sorting out, and when everything is neat and organized again, that I breathe easier. Woe is the Type A personality.

Anyway, the new place is all spiffed up and chemically cleaned and all ready for new memories. What I love about the place is that it is a quiet, serene and scenic environment and most importantly, it is very child friendly. Lots of space and paths for the children to ride their bicycles and roller blade, three pools, BBQ pits, basketball court, tennis courts and a clean, cushioned playground. And for the claustrophobic me, there are only four families on each floor and our neighbours seem quiet and peaceful during the few times we went. Happyness is me.

And hmm, no, wedding bells are not ringing; we are happy the way we are now. I am not commitment phobic or anything like that. We have a healthy happy monogamous relationship together, and we don’t need a paper or a ring to seal the deal (I can hear him protesting already ). The real deal is, I am still having issues. Of course it is no fault of his at all, and there is nothing he can do more (already as it is, he is treating me like a Queen and Empress Dowager juxtaposed). But as it already is, I have done the move in together thing. So, a step at a time..

And I am happy. I guess it sounds very corny and disgusting even, but we are soulmates. Like, really. We can talk about anything and everything and most importantly, we agree in terms of values, principles and beliefs. In personality, we are different, but we complement each other in our difference. What is uncanny is that, he always seems to know what I am thinking. One expression, one gesture or one look, he can guess what I am thinking or what I am going to say. It’s quite freaky sometimes.

The parents approve of him too (and if I might say, my mum adores him *rolls eyes*) Even my aunt, who is a tough broad to win over, think he’s the bee’s knees, one of the reasons being that he gave me a very pretty bangle for Mother’s Day which made everyone go awwwww *rolls eyes again*. And everyone seems to think that I “bully” him (FALSE) and that he spoils me rotten (ok, true). I AM STATING FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM A VERY DOCILE WOMAN AND NEVER EVAR BULLY MY MAN. *glares* *smiles sweetly*

And so, since we have already established that I can’t go back to my “niang jia” should we ever have our first quarrel (I think my parents will call him and rat on me), I decided that my only comfort is to

.

.

.

finally have my own walk in wardrobe!!! *happy dance*

.

.

.

Yeah, totally unrelated, but there you go. Now you know why even I think I bully him sometimes I think he spoils me rotten. I think it started when we went for the Sex and the City movie and when Mr Big opened the door to Carrie’s new walk in wardrobe and my hand involuntarily flew to my mouth and my eyes even watered slightly, that he decided that, yes, one room in the new house shall be converted into my new walk in wardrobe.

And so, it sounds really disgusting but I am really happy (I know I’ve said this a thousand times, but I really am!) The children are healthy, well-adjusted and good kids. My own health has improved by leaps and bounds, thanks to a better job, investing in food supplements and dancing (and of course, with Big being a big help). On the job front, it’s not as crazy as before and they are fully sponsoring me for my studies (which means more online shopping I have more liquidity). It is not as stressful as before, and yet the package is much better, and for that I feel very blessed and thankful. I have the financial freedom to do whatever I want, and to give my children whatever I think is good for them. I have fun during the weekends doing bellydance (and if I might quote my coach, am pretty sinuous and graceful at it! ) The shop is also doing very well, and I had even been featured in Vanilla. I am still as fat as ever and I can’t complain or whine about it as I stuff my face merrily as they come.. But I think I don’t look half bad and am proud that I am well groomed and carry myself well. Of course it helps that despite the fat face (and everything else, hah!) the man still thinks I am this Venus or Aphrodite or something. He is, of course deeply prejudiced, but tis a good thing for me.

So really, it’s all good in my life. Of course, it helps that I choose not to think about the small little things that make me angry or upset, and sweep those out of my mind as fast as I can. People or things that are toxic to our lives, or who try to ruin the happiness we work so hard for, I mentally eliminate them swiftly and completely. It is rather ruthless to a certain extent, but hey, life is short you know. And God knows I have been through enough unhappiness and hardship to last me several lifetimes.

So. Make a choice. BE HAPPY.

**

PS: We went to Ikea just now to shop for new furniture, and as usual, we did our ogle and share act. He tells me when he spots a gorgeous or busty babe, and I do so similarly. And of course we giggle a little (ok, I giggled a little) at those whose fashion sense are hmm a little skewed (I am being very kind here). Something along the lines of this. And then we popped over to Anchorpoint where I picked up a superly gorgeous Banana Republic eyelet wrap blouse at freaking S$25 (!!!!!!!) which retail price is S$189 (!!!!!!!) and which size tag reads XS (!!!!!) you can imagine my shallow euphoria. LOL. Don’t get me started about my spoils at Flea.Fly.Flo.Fun on Saturday, shopping from Target, Victoria’s Secret, Silk Naturals, TSS, Lumiere, La Senza ..ok I should really shaddap.. (next post, I promise).

And of course we had to go to the Hong Kong Cafe on the first floor to pig out on sinful comfort food and drinks like Egg Noodles with Luncheon Meat and Fried Egg, Iced Macau Coffee and Iced “Yuan Yang”. I think I laughed a little too much by acting out my “please don’t leave me, I really want to have this baby” act. Yes, we I have sadistic fun by acting out impossibly drama situations and laughing till we tear.

Don’t ask.

And hor, someone was very thick skinned ok.. We applied for the Hong Kong Cafe card which cost $30, and which came with $25 worth of vouchers, 10% discount with every visit, a one for one coupon and a free drink (Hahaha, very auntie right?! LOL) Then this someone went and filled in “married with kids” wor..

Ahem. AHEM.

MB wrote a laudable post on disciplining our children which includes a link to an article about Beyond Parental Control Orders.

Seriously. If you are going to run to the authorities or an external third party every single time your child does something not right, you might as well not have children. Seriously. Tie your tubes, go on permanent birth control, whatever.

I am reminded of the comment I left on Pat Law’s blog (incidentally, a very interesting read). People have kids for the sake of having kids. The very motivator of having kids, is itself, a mind bloggling difference in many, it seems.

I have kids for the sheer joy and frustration of having kids. When you think about it, it’s rather selfish of us to procreate in the first place, as seeing that 1. they don’t have a choice of being born into this world (what a violation of human rights!) 2. it’s just vile ego stoking by producing genetic clones of ourselves and 3. where else do you get unconditional love and adoration?

Having said that, if you choose to have kids, for God’s sake (literally and figuratively), you owe it to them to be responsible for them. They did not choose to be born, you know.  

OK, I am not that old. Lest those of you who are older zap me with your evil eye.

But I AM old at heart, I swear.

As the years or months go by, I find myself behaving more and more like an old biddy.

Frowning on people who smoke and drink. Clucking away like an old hen at heavily tattooed backs (of females, no less!). Disgust at people who don’t know the simple courtesy of social etiquette.

Arranging my money notes by order and facing the correct way. Putting away my receipts and bills in segmented files. Believing in home-cooked food for the children, and thus making my way home after work to cook dinner.

I scarily sound more and more like my mom. Eww. Hahahaa!!

I brought her out for hi tea last Sunday and we will be doing the daddy, mummy, aunty, Big, me and kids thing this Sunday. Woo.

**

Ger just presented me with a porcelain tea cup and spoon for Mother’s Day. Actually I am not big on Mother’s Day. It’s just a hyped up commercial day like V day. But I couldn’t hurt her feelings by dumping my cynical worldly crap on her so I accepted the gift with grace.

Ah well. Better the child who cares than the child who cannot be bothered, no?

who doesn’t know how to play.

There you have it.

I don’t know how to play. It’s true. I never had Barbies as a child. I preferred doodling on my activity books. And now as a mother, I don’t know how to and don’t like to play. Kiddy games bore me to death and I always encourage the children to play by themselves, entertain themselves.

Yes, bad mum in a way, but I’d rather they have lots of fun on their own, than that I patronize them by zoning off when “playing” or simply tolerate the boredom. Please don’t get me wrong, I really adore and love my kids to pieces, but I have never found the thrill in engaging in baby or cutesy voice games or playing with toys. On the same note, I cannot stomach the thought of running around and chasing each other on the beach under the scotching sun while a nice little picnic under the shade while building sandcastles are so much more enjoyable. I would much rather make something with them; think baking, beading, painting, sculpting etc than to engage in play that leads to no where (to me).

Is this the pragmatic Singaporean in me wrecking its havoc or is it simply just me?

**

Being totally incapable of playing with the PSP/ PS3/ X Box 3/ arcade games etc, I make it a point of dating Germaine on “Germaine dates”. That is, we leave Gean with my parents and take only Ger out with us. The last date was a movie outing and we went for The Spiderwick Chronicles. As a child, I was enthralled by The Never Ending Story and I wanted to share the magic of a fantasy adventure and make believe with her. The Spiderwick Chronicles was pleasant for the adults and the children alike, but honestly a far cry from the The Never Ending Story. It really lacked the magical fantasy, far flung imaginations and mythical flight of the The Never Ending Story.

But we did enjoy ourselves. It’s the company that matters. We also did have a personal joke about watching the “Pork Chop goes to Town” (!!) instead and had a few good giggles about it. OK there is no such movie title and don’t ask how the hell it came about and left us in stitches. I don’t know where to start the explanations. All I can say is, I am absolutely evil.

**

Speaking of evil, I swear kids these days can be such miniature Cruellas. The whole cliquish and Gossip Girls situation in primary schools these days? Vicious. Or so I hear from from Ger in our own Gossip Girls sessions. Do you remember as a child, there is always this uber cool and exclusive group of kids, the one that had their own code names/ special words and rituals? I do, and I listen to my child talk about her friends with a mixed sense of relief (that she is not ostracized or an outcast), a weird sense of aversion and fear (I do remember that I was never part of cliques and indeed, still as anti social today) and a strange feeling of having my little girl grow up into this streetsmart smartypants little mouthpiece who actually knows about snarky rebuttals, turning one’s back on manipulation and being being different and yet being comfortable in being her own self.

My girl is growing up so fast that it feels very spacey and oddball for me.I laughed hard at her anecdotes and I teared a little when I thought about the time when she shared so poignantly that she felt different and that she didn’t have many friends.

Yes, we have come a long way, baby.

Courtesy of the lovely Beaulotus who had tagged me, but no backlinks.. Eh lady, you testing to see if I read your blog religiously or not, right? LOL!

Before I was a mum:

I thought kids were simply scary

Before I was a mum:

I was having lots of fun flying the skies, partying the nights away, boozing and smoking. Now I am having lots of fun flying around juggling work, home and kids.

Before I was a mum:

I never knew kids could give you such joy and such sadness, … and that it would be so worth it.

Before I was a mum:

I never thought a softly whispered “I love you mummy” could make everything seem right.

Before I was a mum:

I didn’t know butterfly kisses from your children could be so addictive.

Before I was a mum,

I smoked like a chimney. Now I detest the smell of cigarette smoke and people smoking near my kids.

The first chain of tag:
1. Lovelymummy

2. Pek Imm

3. Momisodes

4. Ling that’s me

5. Janicepa

6. AnnieQ

7. Allthingspurple

8. Montessorimum

9. clumsy mommy

10. Sandra

11. KittyCat

12. VivianZ

13. Sweetpea

14. Sasha

15. Giddy Tiger

16. Wen

17. Jo-N

18. Janice Ng

19. Blur Ting

20. ViEmwk

21. Beaulotus

22. Xtralicious

I tag the following gorgeous mums: fitti, shelled, angelia, karen, sri and eastcoastlife.

Kindly add on to the above list!