Just.

It’s official. We love Parkway Parade. So much so that it is now our regular jaunt after moving to the East. The rustic charm. The significantly smaller crowd. The basement, with its eclectic lifestyle mix is my favourite. Suffice it to say I am not enticed by the grandeur of Ion, Ngee Ann and the likes (not to mention the horrifying crowds!).

We have our routine down pat. The girls will go off gaming while we will be vegetating at either Coffee Bean or Starbucks, or grocery shopping at the lovely stretch of Organic Mart, Sakuraya and San Espirito, after which we will pick them up for Berrylite yogurt and go poke around Border’s, Exim Arts and Pet Lovers Centre. Oh, and the Watson’s at PP? LOVE. Don’t get me started on Isetan and the beauty counters.

We were there again last weekend chillin’ but this time there was hmm, something different. You know, like a cockroach smacked flat in the middle of a Monet SOMETHING.

SPGs. All eight of them, one after another, in the span of a few hours. Was it SPG Day or something?

I have nothing against Asian women dating white men. I have girlfriends dating or married to white guys and they cannot be further from the SPG tag. So what’s my irk? It’s clearly not their preference – I have dated white men before, I just don’t share the perceived superiority in doing so. Rather, it’s the typical SPG behaviour I find distasteful – the poor dress sense, the fake accent, the strange compulsion towards public displays of affection/ lust and the one thing that befuddles me the most – the grand air of superiority in snaring  a white old man.

Put yourself in my shoes. We were enjoying ourselves, engaging in light hearted banter while people watching and shopping. It’s all good. Suddenly SPG zeros in on the horizon, sucking on white tonsils, pushing her insufficient but overexposed bosom against white chest while unleashing annoying giggles and an incomprehensible accent onto us innocent bystanders while looking extremely smug (why, I wonder).

ANNOYING.

K told me about her neighbour fooling around with his maid. That won’t be the first story I heard about maids getting it on with their white bosses. Before you think I am thumbing my nose at maids, I am not. I think any man or woman pulling a meal ticket on their boss is just poor form. If there is one thing I hope to teach my daughters, it is to make a honest day of living on your own capabilities and resourcefulness, but those capabilities and resourcefulness do not include making sheep’s eyes at your boss or worse, sleeping your way up.

Strangely though, I was not concerned about how such a display of unwise womanhood will register on my girls. I believe in not shielding them from the ugliness of life. If anything, I welcome the opportunity to talk about it.. And where else do you get such wonderful real life ‘how not to be’ scenarios?

But bearing in mind I am the same mother who mentally plans survival strategies in case the ferry sinks, I did have some terrifying ‘what if’s going on at the back of my mind but they were querulously silenced by an incisive remark from my daughter.

I am proud.

The kids and I had a grand time making cheesecake the other day. They were in charge of crushing the Oreo cookies for the base but made a fine mess all over the table and floor.

Germaine asked me if I was angry as I was cleaning up. I told her, “What is there to be angry about. Just clean up.”

I would have thrown a mini fit in the past

While I generally don’t like people taking my pictures, I have to confess that I love love love these pictures taken by my daughters. All artistic directions courtesy of my girls

Taken by Geanyne

Taken by Germaine

Although I had put on 25kg after the first pregnancy (weight that clung on to me like an ah lian clinging on to her ah beng), my weight had been somewhat constant over the last 10 years. I am at peace with myself, my body and size, though there are days where I feel impossibly fat.

It also helps that I totally see through my own bullshit – so get along with the delusions, excuses and self pity. I am big (and a greasy size 16), so what?

So don’t let the people out there tell you size 0 and not 10 is the way to go. You decide for yourself. Moreover, grooming and style makes for an attractive woman, not the label on the clothing. And that ex fatty who lost some weight and deem it fit to mock other fatties now?

I feel sad for her because it takes a certain amount of ugliness to put other people down.

And between you and me, slim camwhoring bloggers are a dime a dozen but a Queen Latifah size camwhoring blogger.. now that’s rare.

So yes, I am fat and happy. Shoot me.

You know Jason Hahn who writes in 8 days about his house-sharing adventures with Saffy and Amanda? He blogs too. He’s one of the very few writers who has the ability to make me laugh out loud. The other few are Colin Goh, Mr Brown before he lost all that weight and Dooce.

Though I’ve always wondered about the authenticity of Saffy the Bust, Amanda the Gucci-ed lawyer, Barney Chen the gay, Karl the sad friend and Martha the dreadful harpy.

You mean to say these people don’t object to being immortalized for posterity in black and white? Either Jason Hahn has a wonderful hell of an imagination or his friends are extreme good sports.

Either way, it is cool.

So my daughter draws all kinds of monsters, some conjured from the recesses of her mind. I am awed, humbled and impressed, all at the same time.

She also did an architectural looking sketch of the Eiffel tower for her camp tee design (which I of course forgot to snap a picture before she submitted it)

My daughter, cool in a kooky nonchalant way

I have long learned to let go when it was painfully clear that she was not and will never be the stupidly mystical girly princess I conjured in my mind. You know, the ballerina who plays the piano, incurably dainty, minds her Ps and Qs and is princessably (yes, I know there is no such word, but hey this is my blog) perfect. I had pigheadedly tried to enrol her in ballet when it was clear that she prefers sports like netball, tennis and soccer.

I call it the ‘trying to do the right thing’ complex and I have been fighting this ever since.

The right thing – this is highly debatable and indeed, if we try to define it by the world’s standard (and by the world, I mean meddling nosy people who have no business commenting in other people’s family business), it is headed for disaster.

To define it by our own parenting standards is another minefield because like it or not, we are burdened by the influences of our own upbringing, the baggage from our own childhood and experience, and the conventions of society. It takes a very conscious effort to break out and look at things from a fresh eye of perspective.

You know how it is in dreams – you think you are seeing and experiencing things but when you really open your eyes, you realize that you are in quite another place and seeing quite something else?

So my girl is not a fairy tale princess.

She plays defender in the school netball team. She plays soccer with boys. She drops 100 pushups (proper kickass pushups and not girly ‘knee’ pushups) at a go. She wants to play the guitar and drums. Her art blows my mind.

I think my daughter is darn cool in a way that rocks my world and it sure as hell aint hereditary.

Seth Godin says,

‘If it acts like a duck (all the time), it’s a duck. Doesn’t matter if the duck thinks it’s a dog, it’s still a duck as far as the rest of us are concerned.

Authenticity, for me, is doing what you promise, not “being who you are”.’

Pure coincidence but Seth Godin just blogged about what has been on my mind for the past few weeks.

Individuals who sprout lyrical about transparency, honesty, god-like social media rules, integrity and so forth on their blogs, tell a different story in plurk, msn and twitter.

Respectability requires consistency.

You don’t talk about respect and best practices in social media but call people names in conversations.
You don’t talk about discretion but divulge confidential information discussed in private conversations.
You don’t talk about integrity but ask for confidential information to be shared to all and sundry, tabloid style.

Transparency is not an excuse to merrily list out others’ ‘mistakes’ in an attempt to look superior.
Honesty is not an excuse for breach of trust.
Integrity is not an excuse for being a thoroughly self righteous and pompous person.

Respectability requires consistency.

For you may think you are a duck, behave like a duck (sometimes), quack like a duck and think you are a duck, but we all know better.

In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of
triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the
pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size,
they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started
to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The
veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a
depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate
another mother’s cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing
news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to
the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that
had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one
species will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans”
that could be found quickly, were a litter of weaner pigs. The zoo
keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the
babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops??
Take a look…….. you won’t believe your eyes!! Scroll down to view.

“When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, You command the attention of the world”

Tony Melendez

A thalidomide baby, Tony was born without arms because his mother was prescribed thalidomide a drug used to help calm morning sickness during her pregnancy. He was brought to the Los Angeles area from Nicaragua to be fitted with artificial arms. He wore them until he was ten, when he disposed of them. “I didn’t feel comfortable,” he explains, “I could use my feet so much more.”

I felt deeply ashamed after seeing the video and reading his biography. Deeply.

The truth is, you and I, we are capable of so much more. How many of us are fully tapping our potential? How many of us are truly pursuing a dream, not of materialism or personal gratification, but to make good out of something?

Do we even have a dream?

*Cues thunder and lightning* Am I the only remaining Singaporean parent to feel this way?

I am not against having tuition for the kids if they need help but I am against having tuition for the kids if you want to ace everyone else, ace everything and to play the senseless one up game with everyone else. I know some parents who are proud to have their kids tutored in all the subjects just to be ‘ahead’ in the rat race.

This is like winning in the Special Olympics. If you need to ask why, stop reading.

I have never forced tuition on Germaine because

1. she doesn’t need it.
2. I don’t need her to glorify me with her results
3. honestly, who found the stuff they learned in school relevant when they started working? I am not the only one who feels this way. Big shot investment banking lawyer also ok.

I also rebel against positioning education as a win or lose situation. I hate the way our education system pushes parents and students to choose courses which are “useful”, “practical” or “in-demand” (rather than the courses for which the student has a genuine interest).

This education system also ostracized people who may not score well academically, but are nevertheless talented and intelligent. Now it begs the question,

“Are examinations the only way to gauge your potential, talent and intelligence?”

I have friends who will never dream of sending their kids to Sports School in case the children ‘don’t have something to fall back on’. Is this the fault of the parents? No.

This is the fault of this elitist government who has worshipped the God of Academic Results. An ‘A team‘ which has lost (only) billions in investments  and came up with gems like Job Credit Scheme.

Lastly, look at poor Rebecca Wong (or rather, poor Rebecca Wong’s parents).

ST Nov 29, 2008
Tuition not the way to success

WHEN I collected my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results in 1985, I was told I had been selected to attend a Special Assistance Plan (SAP) secondary school. This sudden ‘promotion’ did my parents proud but it gave me much stress. The moment I started at the SAP school, I fell from being the top girl to being among the top 15. For the first time in my life, I knew I was simply ‘not good enough’ and was bitterly disappointed with myself.

Since almost everyone ahead of me had tuition of various kinds, I told my parents I needed help too.It was not long before my single-income family began to channel huge amounts towards education investment – tuition for me and my three siblings. One day, the principal of my SAP school in Katong asked to meet my parents concerning my lacklustre grades. He wanted me to drop chemistry and English literature specifically, ’so as not to pull down the school standard’. After my mother pleaded with him tearfully, this humiliating episode ended with more tuition for me and less retirement funds for my food-seller parents. In all, I had tuition in six out of 10 subjects, not because I did badly, but because I was not good enough to achieve the As and Bs the school was furiously churning out ….

Rebecca Wang

A pregnant STOMPer says this woman not only did not offer her the Priority Seat in the train, she even cursed her and her unborn child.

Says the STOMPer in an email to STOMP yesterday (Jan 29):

“Today, I (I boarded the train from City Hall) met this inconsiderate and rude woman who did not offer me (who is 26 weeks pregnant) the Priority Seat she was sitting on.

“She did not offer me the seat even after finishing her sms and after one stop.

“However, she realised that I was taking a picture of her and asked me very rudely and with a hostile expression on her face if I wanted the seat.

“I answered yes and she stood up and started hurling vulgarities at me and calling me a ‘b***h’.

“I scolded her back as I thought she should be embarassed of herself!

“She walked away after about 20 seconds of cursing.

“Before she alighted at Novena station, she stopped by my seat and started cursing me and my unborn baby!

“I’m speechless as I’m wondering if she is even ashamed of herself!

“I cannot tolerate actions like this and from someone who is obviously educated.”

In a telephone conversation with STOMP, the STOMPer stood by her story.

She said that she was wearing maternity clothing and was visibly pregnant when she boarded the train and was disappointed that the woman had behaved in such a manner.

What were your thoughts after reading this? Indignation? Anger? Incredulity? This is natural if you had felt the above. After all it is minimal human decency to side with a pregnant woman who not only had been denied a seat, but also had to endure curses to herself and her unborn child. [Though as a disclaimer, I should state that I never expected anyone to offer me a seat during both my pregnancies. That is a story for another day though.]

You might even blog about it and express your displeasure/ disgust/ anger/ shock. That, too is perfectly normal. But what if you were presented with the other side of the story?

A pregnant woman earlier alleged that this woman not only failed to offer her a Priority Seat in the train, she even cursed her and her unborn child.

The woman pictured in the story has since informed STOMP of her side of the story in an email dated Feb 1.

Here’s what she had to say:

“The truth of this incident is I boarded the train before the pregnant lady did. I was tired and trying to sleep as you can see in the photo.

“I had no idea when she boarded or that she was maliciously taking a photo of me sleeping. She never once asked for the seat, nor did anybody around alert me of her presence.

“Nonetheless, I looked up after a while, and when I noticed her, I immediately asked, ‘Do you want to sit?’

“To my shock and horror, she said ‘Yes’ really rudely, glaring at me, and rushed to the seat without a word of thanks!

“I then asked her, ‘Hey I offered you the seat, why are you being so hostile?’

“She said, ‘Of course! Couldn’t you see the sign?’

“Certainly I knew I was sitting on the Priority Seat. But am I expected to be constantly on the lookout for pregnant women? I was asleep for Christ’s sake, and the minute I noticed her, I offered it to her!

“There was NO ‘20 seconds of cursing’, ’she stood up and started hurling vulgarities at me’, nor did I curse her and her unborn baby.

“‘A pregnant STOMPer says this woman not only did not offer her the Priority Seat in the train, she even cursed her and her unborn child’ – this vicious statement is totally untrue.

“If there were SMRT cameras, I would most certainly like the public to see how ungrateful this pregnant lady really was, and worse, trying to malign me on STOMP!

“I do not deny that I called her a b***h. She certainly is the epitome of the word ‘b***h’.

“The truth is, she called me one too! After I graciously offered her the seat, she called me a b***h because I said there was no need for hostility simply because I had not noticed her earlier.

“As for ‘cursing her and her unborn baby’? All i said before I alighted was that it would be terribly sad if she brought up another person just like herself.

“I am not ashamed to say this because this is the true story, and I am sure everyone would agree with me that it is a great shame that a lady of her age cannot even conduct herself graciously, and is thinking of bringing up a child.”

Ah.. feeling differently now? My point is, regardless of who you might think is telling the truth, get both sides of the story.

A recent incident got me thinking about things that happened almost two years ago. Looking back from a different and fresh perspective, I realize that I could be very harsh, curt and acerbic at times. When I am provoked, I aimed to hurt with the sharpest words I can garner. Seldom will I stop to put myself in the other person’s shoes or try to empathize with what they were feeling.

Time have passed. People change. I hope I have (for the better).

Being trapped in an abusive marriage and subsequently going through a difficult divorce, the anger and the prickly armour of self protection was sometimes manifested in an overactive and nasty temper. I really have to thank all my friends for embracing me with their friendship and forbearance. For the readers who have followed me from back then, thank you too for your acceptance and support.

Over time, while the temper is existent, I have managed to tame it quite a bit. While I now may not understand the motivation for another’s behaviour or or aggression, or condone certain negative actions, I try to react in a more positive manner.

After all, think about it. No one is completely bad, just as no one is completely good. No matter how arrogant and obnoxious you think that asshat might be, he can be a loyal friend. No matter how shallow or materialistic you think that girl might be, she can be someone’s  filial child. My point is, just because I might dislike something about a person, that does not and should not make him or her totally detestable or ‘gone case’.

In that, I think I am more forgiving and accepting of people these days.

Indeed, in the past if someone had done something that I perceive to be entirely despicable, that person is a pariah in my dictionary and I will whack a no hold barred and lethal backhand to that person. I cringed now when I recalled how bitchy, harsh and no holds barred nasty I could be to people. Now, I attempt (my best) to view it from that person’s perspective and try to understand why he or she had done something like that and if there could be any other factors that had prompted it. I try to react in a calm collected and focused manner.

Believe it or not, it has also helped me to glean much understanding about the other person’s character, strengths and weaknesses when I bother to contemplate like this. Therefore the perception of offense and anger is also lessened in this sense.

I do admit though that it is difficult to not take things personally when it is meant that way. I think I have progressed from being leaping out of my chair and firing off the machine gun – to standing up.. and then slowly sitting back down. I hope to be able to achieve  the state of nirvana one day – that is to not even standing up in the first, but to remain seated, calm and with understanding.

With that, I would like to sincerely apologize to the person(s) that I have (or inadvertently have) hurt your feelings or pride in the past. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Things My Father Taught Me

There are two types of trouble…one is the trouble you knowingly walk into, the other is trouble that just happens…it’s important to know the difference.

Walk softly but carry a big stick.
If you have to use said stick, make sure who you use it on, doesn’t get up.

Foul language is a sign of a limited vocabulary.

Everyone is a friend until proven otherwise.

The phrases “I don’t know”, “I forgot”, or “I tried (and failed)” are excuses.

There is a difference between an excuse and a reason, know the difference.

The world can change everything about you, except your point of view…unless you allow it to.

view more here.

Image

When it comes to defending my rights of self expression and freedom of blogging, I would be the first to tell anyone who wants to regulate my blogging to take a hike (and I am sounding nice here).

Having said that, I can hear you screaming, “Then what are you doing on the committee of an association that

1. regulate how bloggers blog;
2. has the chutzpah to represent all bloggers in Singapore;
3. teaches bloggers how to or what to blog?!”

The answers are ridiculously simple.

1. We do not presume to regulate or help people to regulate.
2. We do not want to, have never claimed to nor can we represent anyone. The Singapore tag is an indication of location and not territory.
3. We may organize workshops and seminars facilitated by qualified professionals but the choice is always up to the individual to attend.

There have been a few assumptions and questions over the last few days. The team has answered here and the below are my personal thoughts.

Protection

It is ludicrous to assume that any association can protect you if you commit an offense. Try asking a lawyer if the Law Society can protect him if he embezzles or slanders. Very clearly, the answer is no.

Validation

People are also asking why they should join the association to validify their status or existence as bloggers. My answer again is painfully simple. You don’t. You don’t join the Chinese Association to prove you are a Chinese. You don’t join AWARE to prove you are a woman. You join any association purely and simply because of either interest or passion. And if it’s not your cup of tea, don’t.

In fact, I was very surprised this question even came up.

Why set up an Association?

Then you may ask, so what is this Association for?

Plainly, and without the stuffy language of Constitution talk, here goes.

There is unity and strength in numbers. Simply, it is easier to organize any activity or workshop if the numbers are there. It is easier to get projects, opportunities and what nots if the numbers are there. Sure the ‘top bloggers’ get their projects, opportunities, their free wine and dine events, their freebie gadgets – but are they sharing it with you? You might argue that not everyone is interested in perks and opportunities but even celebrities are not exempt. To each their own, I say.

When we talk about educating bloggers, it is not about telling them how or what to blog. For example, I was a tech idiot and never knew how to use HTML, much less do blog templates or what nots. I wished that there were some kind of workshops where I can glean such hands-on knowledge, but there were none when I started out. It appears that I am not alone. Sure, you might be so smart that you never need any help, but there are others who do. Why be selfish and decline them the opportunity? Why stop us from building up a community of newbie or fledging bloggers? Why must we fill it with A list bloggers? Question, questions.

Government Lap Dog

Then there is the hooha about the government endorsement and about AIMS and Lam Pin in Today. I find the angle of the article regrettable, though the intentions of the reporter might be good. In that alignment and ‘endorsement’ by the establishment, bloggers viewed us as being establishment and government lap dogs.

What a joke. Many of us were openly critical of the government and policies from time to time in our blogs.

As for the conspiracy theory about us wearing white tops (and therefore PAP), I am not even going to justify that. American classics anyone?

Unity and individualism

The  beauty about every blogger is their individualistic entity. Everyone has their own method of expression and their own way of thinking. In seeking unity, we are not looking to make clones of everyone, but to help like- minded people forge a homogeneous identity. From the reactions of some, you’d have thought we are killing little babies.

Website

Some made an issue out of the wordpress free website even though we had already clearly explained that that it is a temporary site. I admit the timing was too tight, what with the Today article being published and the Association being registered just three days earlier.

In fact, this timing also affected many of our other logistics and marketing plans. Without going into too many details, I can just say that some things were beyond our control. We are now working on a proper website.

Nobody and A list bloggers

Ah.. this is my favourite -

‘Who are you to set up an Association? You bunch of nobody bloggers with dunno what credentials.’

I will be the first to admit I am a low profile blogger. You don’t and will never see me posting sex links or jumping on the ’scandals’ bandwagon to whore out for traffic. I also don’t buy into the elitist nonsense of A list, big time, top, celebrity or rock star bloggers and that the rest of us are ‘nobodies‘ or ‘lesser mortals‘.

Endoh asks which one do you prefer:-

Inviting only A-list/top bloggers because they are famous.

OR

Inviting even the commoners among the blogosphere to let them know they need not be A-list/top bloggers to also actively participate.

I love blogs. I love the idea of social media though I may not like some of the pretentious grandeur lent to it by some. I love it for what it is – the insight into people.

In a plurk where a friend asked which superhero power we would like to have, many mentioned the power of mind reading. These few days have made me realize one thing.

Blogs lend that power of mind reading.

You can gauge the character of a person by the way he blogs. You can gauge the character of a person when he lies on his blog. You can gauge the character of a person by the contents of his blog.

Noise is good. Noise tells you what you need to know about a person, be it good or bad.

I have filtered quite an amount of noise over the last few days. There are well wishes, genuine feedback, misunderstandings due to information, abusive vulgarities, personal attacks and polite no-thanks. There is even a very funny msn conversation which I would have enjoyed more, if I had not disliked one of the participants immensely.

This noise is priceless – you pay a PR agency or a survey company and you might not get it.

Amidst the noise, two voices have stood out and they are excellent examples for the kind of reasonable, logical, not insane, not senseless and balanced kind of blogging that I (personally) would like to see more of in this blogosphere. While there are some issues in Brian’s post that will be addressed in our official website when it is up, he has grasped the essence of what I also believe in – the freedom of choice and the beauty of that freedom in social media.

If you don’t like to eat apples, by all means, don’t. Don’t stop others from eating it or say it tastes bad just because you don’t like eating apples.

The freedom of choice is also extended to accepting a difference in views or thinking amongst my friends. Will friends force each other to follow blindly or to monkey see monkey do? Are friends for you to manipulate or influence their thinking to suit your wishes or agenda? No. That, pretty much is obvious. To me, at least.

I respect integrity and honesty, even when it is showcased in a dissenting opinion. Incidentally, I am repelled by implied insults or contempt by sly riding on others’ coat tails or passive aggressive attacks.

How do I respond to haters and flamers? I don’t. Tina Fey has her own method of handling noise and addresses her haters in a hilarious ‘suck it’ speech, which I find rather amusing (love her!)

“If you ever start to feel too good about yourself, they have this thing called the Internet. And you can find a lot of people there who don’t like you.”

LOL.

What do you feel about or deal with noise?

**

I will end by musing out loud about some questions.

Do Peranakans join the Peranakan Association to prove that they are nonyas or babas, or because of their culture, interest and passion?

Do women join AWARE to prove that they are women, or to pick up skills relevant to themselves?

Can the Chinese Association disqualify you from being a Chinese simply because you are not a member?

**

Disclaimer: this is a personal musing post.

I did the Colourgenics test two years ago and it seems that things have changed since then. I think it is interesting to see how things have evolved over the years. Why don’t you try it too?

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfillment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back… so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

You are a leader in every sense of the word. You know where you are going and you know what you need to do in order to get there. You exercise an inherent initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. You either hold, or wish to achieve, a position of authority by means of which full control can be exerted over events.

Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation but you are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven’t been taking care of all your physical needs and it’s beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate – someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different – to be individualistic – to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow – to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

You have so many ideas that you would like to revitalise but you need to realise a stable and peaceful condition to do so. Once you can free yourself from all the aggravation and tension around you, you will make strides that may amaze you. You will not be prevented from achieving all the things you so desire.

Mike Arrington of Techcrunch says they will break every embargo they agree to.

“The reason this is becoming a larger problem is because there is no downside to breaking embargoes. The PR firm gets upset but they don’t stop working with the offending publication or writer. You get a slap on the wrist, and you break another embargo later that day. Our new policy is to break every embargo. We’ll happily agree to whatever you ask of us, and then we’ll just do whatever we feel like right after that. We may break an embargo by one minute or three days. We’ll choose at random. There will be exceptions. We will honor embargoes from trusted companies and PR firms who give us the news exclusively.”

I am curious about the trend of PR here in Singapore. Are bloggers, journalists and publications penalized if they break embargoes?

Personally I understand the frustration and anger if one plays by the rules but is unfairly ‘penalized’ when unscrupulous players flout the rules of the game. However I still stand by the weight of one’s words especially when a promise is given.

I agree with Seth Godin when he says that

“Trust is really valuable and equally fragile.

You can fool us once, but probably not twice.”

“Go to a party and take embarrassing pictures of your friends to post on Facebook. That’s fun, certainly, but it’s possible that you won’t be quite as trusted next time.”

A word about protecting yourself

I don’t know about you but I guard my privacy rather fiercely. While I don’t mind saucy pictures being circulated in a closed group of friends, I don’t like to be tagged in Facebook. I don’t like my partying pictures to be posted on anyone’s blogs and certainly not Facebook. And I certainly will not appreciate any embarrassing pictures or videos to be posted ‘for a laugh’.

In other words, I think it is unwise to post incriminating  pictures where you cannot control or even know who is looking at them. Can you imagine your boss or clients looking at you looking drunk, dishevelled or behaving badly?

Have fun, yes, but be clever about it.

Today is the first day of another new year. What happened in 2008 for all of you? In the tradition of reminiscing,

1. We had our first Reunion Dinner with each other’s families.
2. I was headhunted to fill a position in April of last year. 
3. Started a small home-based business. Bearing in mind that I have no prior experience and my only currency is a sense of adventure and being willing to learn.
4. Started my studies as planned, though different major.
5. Slowly recovered from a bad slipped disc. Most people take their health for granted and that episode gave me a little reminder.
6. Experienced some unhappiness when I resigned and learned that I am not only not cut out to be a homemaker, I also strive on the feeling of power and control in job performance, appreciation, earning good money, successful juggling of work and family and most importantly, the overall sense of achievement.
7. Watched my page rank strangely fall from 3 to 2 to now 0.
8. Felt the need for more challenges.
9. Got featured in Vanilla.
10. Launched the new fashion and beauty site.
11. Moved to a new place – where the foliage and serenity got me smitten.
12. The girls started ballet.
13. Enjoyed home cooked food everyday
14. Revisited the boundaries of friendship and moved on after being taught a valuable lesson.
15. Germaine turned 10.
16. I started writing for the Online Citizen.
17. Was the featured blogger on Blog2u.sg.
18. Was interviewed and featured in Straits Times.
19. Withdrew into myself after some family unhappiness.
20. Had a quiet but happy Christmas.

My 10 personal projections for 2009

1. Given the current economic climate, it’s time to minimize debts and to build assets and savings. I am cutting down on my spending and putting aside more money.
2. Retail austerity – I will buy less trendy items especially those cheap pieces I buy on a whim and wear it only once or twice and then give it away. I also don’t need another bag to add to the existing 32 few. Plans to customize the walk in wardrobe have also been shelved. Ikea will do.
3. Cut down on travel plans – am canning the Paris trip (which had been postponed from last year’s planning). Somehow the thought of spending at least five figures on a trip alone seems rather  frivolous. We will only go for regional trips this year – not that I am complaining. I think we are already very blessed.
4. Continue on my learning journey.
5. We are definitely not buying a house this year – prices are still spiraling downwards.
6. Explore the options on my business model – I want to move out of retail and start focusing on wholesaling. I am also exploring social enterprising.
7. To reconsider my career options. I’ve been a personal assistant for the last 12 years and I have no complaints – after all it’s easy for me now and the money is good. But I have been feeling the itch to teach or to write and the main point of consideration is surprise, surprise – money. I am not being materialistic but the truth remains that I find great satisfaction in making (more and more) money and I don’t know if I can stomach the pain of a pay cut. Is it wise in this economic climate? Will I start feeling unhappy and useless? I have to give it a good think-through carefully.
8. To carry on juggling work, business and family in a harmonious manner.
9. I really need to start to learn how to drive – I just need to find a good English speaking instructor.
10. And no, we are not getting married this year (Nadnut, I can heeeear your tsk tsks already)

I think it’s good to do a cap of what happened the year before and to do a projection for the next year so that we know where we are going and how we are getting there. Care to share on your own plans? Do a pingback to me so that I can pop in and take a peek.

And since it’s such a long post already, I leave you with a song, which I thought echoes the spirit of the new year and the promise of a fresh start.

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there’s only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.

As I was looking back at my Christmas posts in the last two years, I was cringing at how bimbotic and obnoxious I must have sounded two years ago. The clincher was that I had meant to be thankful for what I have.

The 2008 me wanted to give the 2006 me a tight slap on the face.

On a brighter note, it’s a reminder to myself to be more tolerant to people I deem bimbotic and idiotic now as seeing how I was ignorantly guilty. Who knows, perhaps the 2010 me might have something to say about the 2008 me now? LOL.

This year though, like the last few years, had us spending it quietly with the family and at TK’s home party.

The girls with TK’s sister’s dog, Nigel, who is a real slut. Nigel, not TK’s sister.

As usual, there weren’t any big ticket ‘wants’ by the children as we don’t have the habit of giving gifts only during Christmas or birthdays. They have their books, DVDs, games, gadgets, phone and whatnots already, so we got them craft and game sets for this Christmas. Though yours truly here was very tempted to get the Wii..

But I think having Xbox and Xbox 360, PSP and PS3… and DS lite are quite enough for this household.

For now.

In any case, Christmas, being other than the season for giving, sharing and forgiving, is primarily the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Besides the practice of gifting in the family, I feel it’s important to share with the children about giving to the less privileged.

Featured in Young Parents (Dec 08) for their Christmas writeup

I feel as fortunate and thankful as I did in 2006, only much more mellow, less squealy and definitely more sombre. There are many things that I have lost in life – only to be blessed with much more in return and there is nothing in life that can replace the joy, frustration, happiness and exasperation that my girls give me.

In retrospect, this was a good year for me. I had fulfilled a good part of my agenda, left the best boss I ever had (he sent me the sweetest sms over Christmas – ‘to my very very valued ex PA..’), started the business, examined myself as a person, got the highest paid and most boring job I ever had and yeah, got bored – I should have known.

I need new challenges.

So yes, I had a good year, though I had a down period lately, but here’s to an even better year.

**

In the new year to come and in view of the recession and economy crisis, we plan to scale down on a lot of luxuries and extravagances and focusing on minimizing  our debts and building our assets.

Cash in the hand is better than a(nother) bag in the wardrobe I say.

After all like Michael Levin of celebrity PR fame said,

“As a celebrity media expert and author, I predict the new year will be marked by a cultural trend I am calling “Luxury Shame”. In the extraordinary recessionary times, it seems vulgar to flaunt one’s luxurious lifestyle.

I caution even the most successful celebrities to go ‘bling-less’.”

What more of us humble folks?

She had to use son’s diapers
Pregnant housewife stuck for almost seven hours on stalled Singapore Flyer
By Teh Jen Lee
December 25, 2008

IT was her first time on the Singapore Flyer and she says it will be her last.
Click to see larger image
STUCK: Passengers trapped in the stalled Singapore Flyer had to wait for up to seven hours before they were rescued. TNP PICTURE: MOHD ISHAK

Madam Yohana Husin, 32, who is six months’ pregnant, went up on the Flyer at 4.30pm with her husband and 4-year-old son.

The Indonesian housewife, who’s a Singapore permanent resident, had enjoyed 20 minutes of the ride when the Flyer stalled around 4.50pm.

‘We were in the 24th capsule with two other visitors from London. The capsule was near the top when the wheel stopped moving.

‘I called through the intercom many times asking how long they would take and they didn’t give me any answers.’

After holding her bladder for four hours, she couldn’t hold it any more and had to use her son’s unused diaper to relieve herself.

‘Luckily, we had packed extra diapers. I couldn’t take it so I went to one corner and slipped one into my underwear.

‘I felt very uncomfortable. It was very hot in the capsule, I was very tired and I also had gastric pains,’ she said.

Around 10pm, climbers delivered bread and Coca-cola to the people trapped in the capsules.

Madam Yohana said: ‘They were like Spider-Man. But my son can’t drink Coke, they should have given us plain water.’

She didn’t know that some people were lowered down with harnesses and ropes.

‘I wouldn’t dare to risk it, I would rather be stuck up there,’ she said.

Her husband, a technician who gave his name only as Mr Loh, 46, said in Mandarin: ‘I hope this never happens again because it’s very bad. When we finally got down, I felt a bit giddy, probably because we had been in there for too long.

‘It was almost seven hours. It would have been worse for kids. My son didn’t cry, but he could hardly walk when we finally got out.’

Worried

He was especially worried about his pregnant wife.

‘My friend who watched the news at home told me that people were abseiling down. There was no way I would have let my family do that and be in danger.

‘From the lower capsules, people’s legs were already shaking, how can they expect to get people down from the higher capsules?’

The family was given a full refund of their ticket price, which was more than $40.

Madam Yohana said: ‘I’ll monitor how I feel tomorrow, I may need to see a doctor. I know I will never want to go up on the Flyer again.’

Lack of foresight or poor planning?

When I first heard of the news, I was stumped that there was no provisions made for such an incident. You mean to tell me that no one in the entire company, the panel of experts and consultants and what nots had ever thought of the possibility of a stall or a technical glitch?

Oh, actually they had?

Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs) activated in the event of wheel stoppage

There is a set of SOPs in place in the event of wheel stoppage. The SOPs (see below) were carried out when the rotation of the wheel stopped on 23 December, 2008.

• Notify the wheel contractor Mitsubishi Heavy Industries about the wheel stoppage and work to re-start the rotation of the wheel as soon as possible. The top priority is to resume the rotation of the wheel in any incident of stoppage.
• In the event of wheel stoppage, Singapore Flyer staff will notify and communicate with passengers inside the capsules via a 2-way intercom system.
• Inform TÜV SÜD, an international certification organisation, and PELU (Public Entertainments Licensing Unit), Singapore Police Force’s licensing authority.
• TÜV SÜD and PELU will be notified when the wheel starts rotating again. Singapore Flyer will only be able to resume wheel operations to the public when TÜV SÜD and PELU have given their approval that the wheel is safe to carry passengers.

In the event of 23 December 2008,

• Measures were taken to isolate the technical malfunction. The wheel contractor, Mitsubishi Heavy Industries, was notified immediately to restore power for the rotation of the wheel.

• Singapore Flyer called in Dive-Marine Services Pte Ltd, and subsequently the Singapore Civil Defence Force (SCDF), was called to assist in the evacuation of passengers.
• The top priority is to resume wheel operations in any event of stoppage. Efforts to restore wheel movement were underway throughout this entire duration.
• At 11.15 pm, the wheel resumed movement and passengers disembarked from the capsules.

I have five questions.

1. Was there any drill held beforehand to familiarize the staff with these procedures in the case of the real emergency? It’s not rocket science, seeing that this was being touted as the world’s biggest wheel and as one of our major tourists’ attractions, right?
2. If the need to ‘notify and communicate with passengers inside the capsules via a 2-way intercom system’ was duly noted in the SOP, why was there no response to the pregnant passenger’s repeated enquiries- ‘I called through the intercom many times asking how long they would take and they didn’t give me any answers.’? I imagine she must have been frantic with anxiety and panic.
3. Were the passengers expected to do their toileting in an extremely exposed and enclosed space? Note that each capsule was not only extremely space constrained, it was also transparent on the six panels on the right and left side of each capsule. Not everyone packs a spare diaper in their handbag, in case they haven’t noticed.
4. Bread and Coca-cola were only delivered to the trapped passengers five hours later. Did no one think that they might need food and water? Was it an after thought (and a rather thoughtless one at that)? Did anyone stop to think that Coca-cola was not so suitable in this instance and water would be a much better option?
5. Do they actually realize that the respond time of seven hours is not a remotely acceptable time frame to a trapped situation crisis? ?????? I am appalled. They need a PR miracle pronto.

So who is to be accountable?

• The architects – Kisho Kurokawa Architect & Associates and DP Architects Pte Ltd?
• The engineers – Arup?
• The builders – Mitsubishi Heavy Industries Ltd and Takenaka Corporation?
• The leading international service organization that certified (and which ‘constantly monitored‘) the flyer – TÜV SÜD?
• PELU (Public Entertainments Licensing Unit), Singapore Police Force’s licensing authority?
• STB (Singapore Tourism Board)?

Well, they did indeed deliver the promise of a  ‘capsule of memories for a lifetime’. What an apt tagline though they could not have imagined in their wildest dreams that it be used in such a situation. Again, who and where on earth is their PR company to salvage this crisis?

Compensation

No, refunding the tickets is hardly the first step of the grand plan. And I don’t think offering them free flights on the Singapore Flyer quite works the trick.

How does one’s time, comfort and dignity be compensated adequately? Let’s wait and see how creative the suits can be.

And for crissakes, remove that embarrassing promotion – All you want for Christmas is at the Singapore Flyer, still unwisely and proudly displayed on the website. Hell, no. All I want for Christmas is to be at home with my family, and not stuck in the air with stale hot air, starved for five hours and then rewarded with bread, no water and having to hold in my bladder and bowel movements in a claustrophobic capsule with other strangers – kids fly free or not.

In fact, I was very glad that our first and last time at the Singapore Flyer was determined by a lack-lustre experience and boredom.  If we had been involved in this whole fiasco – especially if the kids were with us – I will unite all my fellow passengers and perhaps even the ones in the other capsules in a collective suit.

**

Check out Nelson’s video about the Drama at the Singapore Flyer.

To all my friends and readers

Merry Christmas!!

May you be blessed with good health, success and tidings in the coming new year!

Best wishes

Rachel and family

**

Recommended read: Nelson’s discourse on Christmas