Just.

Matthew 6:25

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?

I used to think that this had little to do with me till I learned that the Christian perspective of worry is a ’self-oriented assumption of responsibility’. Now that’s interesting to me because I am was a control freak who needs to be on top on everything I do, which is essentially, a worrywart. So yes, I have all the stress related afflictions you can imagine, which is frankly, stupidly self afflicted.

So, one of my resolutions in 2010 to be as cool as a cucumber and to trust in Jesus for all my wants and needs. Shalom!

And I gotta love how I get revelations in my life. It can be a thought placed in my mind, a messenger through spoken or written words or the best – in conversations with my kids during bedtime.

Germs was sharing with me about her church friend who was a stellar student  and who, would you believe it or not, never had a day of tuition or enrichment classes in her life. Yes, none of those Berries/ Kumon/ Tien Hsia/ so many other extras that kids need to plough through after school each day.

I thought about my kids.

Germs aced her English and Science despite no not much help from my department. No, I am so not the flashcards and home experiments kinda mom. I also love how she actively tries to improve herself in the Chinese language and to immense in the culture, despite us being a primarily English speaking household . I used to despise Chinese who proudly proclaimed themselves to be bananas, but now I just feel sad for them, that they have robbed themselves of a culture so richly steeped in history, values, pride and for want of an appropriate English word – ???So I am quite proud that she really makes the effort to read classics like ???? and to explore, say the origins of Chinese festivals. I have faith that she will do well again. Math is a subject that both she and I have been eluded of a natural aptitude so she is getting some help from a really competent teacher, who I can only say is a godsend. The rest of her time she spends doing what she enjoys – reading, playing games on her DS and FB, skateboarding and her school sports.

Gean, my baby girl, just started on Primary 1 this year (which should really warrant a post all of its own!). And bless her, she tells me in that innocence so devoid of arrogance and pride, she finds her P1 syllabus strangely easy. Which is to say that Wesley and YWCA have done great jobs in not only nurturing a kind, sensitive and loving child, they have also educated her well.

I then realize how unknowingly we have been blessed, that in my ridiculously relaxed attitude when it comes to the kids, that in my determination that they should enjoy their extremely limited childhood in this extremely competitive country, He has blessed the children so abundantly in every area, be it their studies, interests, sports, character, health and well being.

I shudder to think of what if, if I had been the same control freak in their lives as I had been in my own. I am humbly thankful.

What I am saying is, when we rest in God, He does his work which is so much more perfect than any one of us can ever achieve.

Time to aim for that level of wisdom in the other areas of my life! And yes, when I got hospitalized (yet again) for a gastro condition, it’s not a lack of blessing in the area of my health.  It’s really Him trying to get through my thick skull – let go.

*Cues thunder and lightning* Am I the only remaining Singaporean parent to feel this way?

I am not against having tuition for the kids if they need help but I am against having tuition for the kids if you want to ace everyone else, ace everything and to play the senseless one up game with everyone else. I know some parents who are proud to have their kids tutored in all the subjects just to be ‘ahead’ in the rat race.

This is like winning in the Special Olympics. If you need to ask why, stop reading.

I have never forced tuition on Germaine because

1. she doesn’t need it.
2. I don’t need her to glorify me with her results
3. honestly, who found the stuff they learned in school relevant when they started working? I am not the only one who feels this way. Big shot investment banking lawyer also ok.

I also rebel against positioning education as a win or lose situation. I hate the way our education system pushes parents and students to choose courses which are “useful”, “practical” or “in-demand” (rather than the courses for which the student has a genuine interest).

This education system also ostracized people who may not score well academically, but are nevertheless talented and intelligent. Now it begs the question,

“Are examinations the only way to gauge your potential, talent and intelligence?”

I have friends who will never dream of sending their kids to Sports School in case the children ‘don’t have something to fall back on’. Is this the fault of the parents? No.

This is the fault of this elitist government who has worshipped the God of Academic Results. An ‘A team‘ which has lost (only) billions in investments  and came up with gems like Job Credit Scheme.

Lastly, look at poor Rebecca Wong (or rather, poor Rebecca Wong’s parents).

ST Nov 29, 2008
Tuition not the way to success

WHEN I collected my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results in 1985, I was told I had been selected to attend a Special Assistance Plan (SAP) secondary school. This sudden ‘promotion’ did my parents proud but it gave me much stress. The moment I started at the SAP school, I fell from being the top girl to being among the top 15. For the first time in my life, I knew I was simply ‘not good enough’ and was bitterly disappointed with myself.

Since almost everyone ahead of me had tuition of various kinds, I told my parents I needed help too.It was not long before my single-income family began to channel huge amounts towards education investment – tuition for me and my three siblings. One day, the principal of my SAP school in Katong asked to meet my parents concerning my lacklustre grades. He wanted me to drop chemistry and English literature specifically, ’so as not to pull down the school standard’. After my mother pleaded with him tearfully, this humiliating episode ended with more tuition for me and less retirement funds for my food-seller parents. In all, I had tuition in six out of 10 subjects, not because I did badly, but because I was not good enough to achieve the As and Bs the school was furiously churning out ….

Rebecca Wang

The children were playing with sparklers and Big took some gorgeous pictures with the Nikon D60. Love the focus and effects.

I think they had lots of fun, though I get nervous around them things. The sparklers, not the kids.

I am not fascinated with grades per se. And no, I am not a negligent mum. I just dislike the idea of grades being all indicative of a child’s understanding and intelligence. Unconventional perhaps, but not that radical.

So far, Germaine has not had any tuition, despite her weak grades in Mathematics. She doesn’t like the idea and prefers being taught by us – conveniently ignoring the fact my blood pressure shoots up every time I have to coach her. And have you seen those Primary Maths questions lately? Still, they are trying to ‘boost primary education‘. Enough already! If this trend continues, all the monetary incentives they throw up cannot convince me to have a third child.

Anyway, my refusal to let grades define my child’s intelligence does not mean that I do not praise her when she does well.

Similarly, when she scores reasonably good marks, I don’t let up on her if I know that she can score better and has started being complacent.

My point is, grades are not a complete indicator of a child’s education. In some cases, some children cannot handle the stress and their nervousness during examinations and end up not doing as well as they could in normal circumstances.

Another reason why I feel that grades should not be all indicative of a child’s intelligence and abilities is also because some children might be late bloomers. If your child could not speak well even to the age of nine, did poorly in school and had a teacher who told you that he ‘could not amount to anything’, would you feel that he is a ‘gone case’?

Well, I would hardly label Albert Einstein as a ‘gone case’.

Not every one of our children may be gifted academically but I believe that every child has his or her own talent. I have known children who have flunked their academic subjects but who are good in the kitchen, sports or arts. And who is to say that these children are failures?

It is our society and our culture that determines academia to be the ultimate success. Don’t be deceived or trapped by the herd mentality. It is people like Bill Gates and Sim Wong Hoo who are laughing their way to the bank.

**

I have a story that I would like to share with my readers.

There was once a boy whose nickname is “Dummy”. He was in 5th grade and thought that he was stupid. Although he grew up in a very poor neighborhood in Detroit his mother, who worked as a domestic,  believed that he and his older brother could only succeed through education.  She worked 2, sometimes 3 menial jobs to take care of them.

**

Next up: Point #2 on education – stop the mollycoddling and babysitting.

In my last post about Germaine, I bitched about memory versus intelligence. See, I am not the type of mother who does flash cards and send my kids to all manners of enrichment classes. Not that they are crap or anything, it’s just not my style. Nevertheless, Germaine started to read when she was 4.

Anyway, my point is this. Do you think the big shots and entrepreneurs got to where they are by mugging? Memorising facts? Dead ringing ten year series?

Nope. I believe they journeyed along with creativity, an ability to think out of the box, street smarts and most importantly, intelligence.

My boss can’t remember his own schedule, his credit card numbers, his anniversary (!) and the likes, He needs me to remind him of such things. Me of the superior memory. And of course his earning capacity is many times of mine.

I look at the kiddie shows on television and they kind of sadden me. Spelling competitions, Brainiest kid (again, emphasis on memory of facts) etc. Why don’t they have one where the kids have to come up with business ideas and compare profits? Or in case you think, shucks, she’s such a monetary bitch, then a show where they come up with practical inventions which they then have to build.

And the people in charge say that they are nurturing the children to think out of the box, to be creative, to be thinkers.

Gawd.

PS: We saw an ad on television the other. It’s about Oreo cookies. Three little girls poured the remains of milk into three glasses for themselves and tried to dunk the oreo. No go as the milk’s not enough. The first thought I had was, use a cup with a wider brim lah.. Ger went, what’s the problem, just pour the other two into the third one and all share that glass!

So it was.

Seems my daughter might be more intelligent than I am.