Just.

So my girl came in third for her category in the triathlon. She was a little peeved at losing out to boys – the first and second positions went to older boys. I was a little surprised that they did not segregate the sexes (this girls vs boys thing is so stale) but my guess is that they wanted to just make it a fun event rather than a competitive one.

The ‘prize’  is self explanatory too. No trophy or ribbons like in a competitive event, but a ‘winner’ sticker pasted on a huge tin of Milo.

Me, I am just glad she had fun.

Without going into false modesty that irks me so, I will simply confess that I am insanely and irrationally proud of my daughter – and rightfully so.

She’s beat 84 other girls to win this championship cup.

If hearts could explode with maternal pride, mine would have done so many times over.

It makes the 25 kg weight gain (which never really went away), the I-wanna-pull-my-hair-out-why-is-this-girl-such-a-mule frustration and the crazy work/ family juggling all worth it.

Oh, and she is taking part in a triathlon this Saturday.

Does my girl rock or does she rock?

So my daughter draws all kinds of monsters, some conjured from the recesses of her mind. I am awed, humbled and impressed, all at the same time.

She also did an architectural looking sketch of the Eiffel tower for her camp tee design (which I of course forgot to snap a picture before she submitted it)

My daughter, cool in a kooky nonchalant way

I have long learned to let go when it was painfully clear that she was not and will never be the stupidly mystical girly princess I conjured in my mind. You know, the ballerina who plays the piano, incurably dainty, minds her Ps and Qs and is princessably (yes, I know there is no such word, but hey this is my blog) perfect. I had pigheadedly tried to enrol her in ballet when it was clear that she prefers sports like netball, tennis and soccer.

I call it the ‘trying to do the right thing’ complex and I have been fighting this ever since.

The right thing – this is highly debatable and indeed, if we try to define it by the world’s standard (and by the world, I mean meddling nosy people who have no business commenting in other people’s family business), it is headed for disaster.

To define it by our own parenting standards is another minefield because like it or not, we are burdened by the influences of our own upbringing, the baggage from our own childhood and experience, and the conventions of society. It takes a very conscious effort to break out and look at things from a fresh eye of perspective.

You know how it is in dreams – you think you are seeing and experiencing things but when you really open your eyes, you realize that you are in quite another place and seeing quite something else?

So my girl is not a fairy tale princess.

She plays defender in the school netball team. She plays soccer with boys. She drops 100 pushups (proper kickass pushups and not girly ‘knee’ pushups) at a go. She wants to play the guitar and drums. Her art blows my mind.

I think my daughter is darn cool in a way that rocks my world and it sure as hell aint hereditary.

Lately I seem to have been on a roll in buying gifts for my family and friends.

Over the weekend, I bought Braun Buffel wallets for my parents. The soft buttery leather were to die for. Mooncakes of all kinds of fancy flavours for my folks. Totes for the girlfriends. A streetfunk jacket and soft denim jeans for Germaine, but Big fought to pay for those. Heh.

Two new spanking bikes for the girls. BMW BMX leh. I remember fondly my first BMX bike which I rode to death, which was the envy of the neighbour’s kids. I also got the Sony Walkman when it was first launched, which was a damn BIG deal back then… no such things as CD player or MP3 back then ok…

I hope that my kids will love their new “big girl” bikes as much as I loved my first “big girl” bike…

The fact is, I feel guilty about not being a perfect mum. Think the homely gentle stay home mum who bakes cookies for the children, always has a hot meal on the table and lovingly sews clothing for the children. Instead of all that, my kids get a highly stressed mum who is busy juggling the household, giving them after work time, work deadlines and a million other things it seems. I’d be lucky if I get to bake once a week.

So it is sad but true that I try to “make it up” to them where I perceive my lack of physical presence and quality time. I try to give them the best of everything that I can, be it a softer bedding with higher thread count, better toys, more expensive lessons, creature comforts.

I hate above anything else to feel that my children are deprived of anything.

Of course, to maintain the current lifestyle that they enjoy now, I have had to focus and strive very hard. But at least I am in the position to, and even now, I am trying my best to ensure that they are and will be nurtured and properly educated, and be in a empowered position to earn their own keeps and buy their own Manolos.

No way am I placing hopes that they marry a rich man or for them to be a taitai. Good for them if they marry well but the foundation has got to be firm first. Always have the means to be independent so that the man will respect you, that’s what I believe in.

***

Speaking of education, Germaine is a extremely right brained oriented child. That is, she is strong in languages and arts but weak in Mathematical concepts. Right brainers are divergent thinkers, as opposed to left brainers who are more convergent thinkers.

Right brainers are creative and tend to throw the rules out of the window. They are artistic and always looking for ways to express themselves. They do much better in exams that require essay-type answers.

This is true. Germaine writes beautiful essays in school and “love letters” to me. On the other hand, she hates mathematics as she finds it hard to grasp certain concepts (as I did when I was young).

What really REALLY pisses me off is the assumption people (Singaporeans in particular) make when a child is weak in a certain subject.

“Oh, she just needs tuition!”

Or they would get all elitist and simply assume that she is well, just not as smart.

Oh really? The analysis she offers on their personalities and characters is beyond her years.

Coincidentally, I learnt from a recent conversation with a friend who’s living overseas now, that our local education system is a lot more demanding. That’s why when our students go overseas, they almost always never have problems.

It seems that we are imposing a higher syllabus on a lower age group. essentially, our seven year olds are learning mathematical concepts what nine or ten year olds would be learning in Australia or in the States.

Sure, it’s good if the child is pushed to his maximum capacity for learning and absorbing… but what gives for right brainers like Germaine? Be left behind in the paper chase? To left to feel inadequate or sub-standard?

Does it mean nothing that she is strong in her languages and arts?

It is an understatement to say that the local educational system leaves a bad aftertaste in my mind.

Just look at our very elitist ministers and where are they sending their children to study?

Good ole States and UK.

Says a lot doesn’t it?

And to those smug smarmy creatures who try to undermine my daughter’s confidence… I say this.

One day, Germaine might be in advertising or PR or fashion or any creative industry, seeing her creative leaning. Hell, she might even be a lawyer given her love for verbal sparring.

She might be a bohemian chick writing freelance for all I care.

I just want her to be happy. And it’s all that matters.

And you, the typical elitist Singaporean, sneering at all that is not SAP school, band 1, straight As and stuck in a maze of 5Cs? Stuck in the dead end engineer or mid-level managerial position, stuck in the rat race till you are 70 to service a mortgage for that condo or landed property and car, tuition for your 3.2 kids..

Good luck to you. You don’t know happiness.

In my last post about Germaine, I bitched about memory versus intelligence. See, I am not the type of mother who does flash cards and send my kids to all manners of enrichment classes. Not that they are crap or anything, it’s just not my style. Nevertheless, Germaine started to read when she was 4.

Anyway, my point is this. Do you think the big shots and entrepreneurs got to where they are by mugging? Memorising facts? Dead ringing ten year series?

Nope. I believe they journeyed along with creativity, an ability to think out of the box, street smarts and most importantly, intelligence.

My boss can’t remember his own schedule, his credit card numbers, his anniversary (!) and the likes, He needs me to remind him of such things. Me of the superior memory. And of course his earning capacity is many times of mine.

I look at the kiddie shows on television and they kind of sadden me. Spelling competitions, Brainiest kid (again, emphasis on memory of facts) etc. Why don’t they have one where the kids have to come up with business ideas and compare profits? Or in case you think, shucks, she’s such a monetary bitch, then a show where they come up with practical inventions which they then have to build.

And the people in charge say that they are nurturing the children to think out of the box, to be creative, to be thinkers.

Gawd.

PS: We saw an ad on television the other. It’s about Oreo cookies. Three little girls poured the remains of milk into three glasses for themselves and tried to dunk the oreo. No go as the milk’s not enough. The first thought I had was, use a cup with a wider brim lah.. Ger went, what’s the problem, just pour the other two into the third one and all share that glass!

So it was.

Seems my daughter might be more intelligent than I am.

Germaine, Geanyne and my cousin

Geanyne in the rock garden