Just.

While I generally don’t like people taking my pictures, I have to confess that I love love love these pictures taken by my daughters. All artistic directions courtesy of my girls

Taken by Geanyne

Taken by Germaine

Although I had put on 25kg after the first pregnancy (weight that clung on to me like an ah lian clinging on to her ah beng), my weight had been somewhat constant over the last 10 years. I am at peace with myself, my body and size, though there are days where I feel impossibly fat.

It also helps that I totally see through my own bullshit – so get along with the delusions, excuses and self pity. I am big (and a greasy size 16), so what?

So don’t let the people out there tell you size 0 and not 10 is the way to go. You decide for yourself. Moreover, grooming and style makes for an attractive woman, not the label on the clothing. And that ex fatty who lost some weight and deem it fit to mock other fatties now?

I feel sad for her because it takes a certain amount of ugliness to put other people down.

And between you and me, slim camwhoring bloggers are a dime a dozen but a Queen Latifah size camwhoring blogger.. now that’s rare.

So yes, I am fat and happy. Shoot me.

This seriously makes me sad.

I mean, I have never felt that pressure from my parents about my weight or size. Yes, my mum calls me “fei po” in Cantonese (affectionately though), but she always makes me pack food home whenever we pop back to her place. And she always spoons more food for me….while discussing about the different diets. *rolls eyes*

Yes, this is the fat blimp who stuffs her face and never bothers with diets or exercise (swimming when I feel like it does not count as exercise)

And Big, who loves to feed me and who constantly tells me that he loves me as I am and that I am NOT fat, does not help matters. He’s also fond of random praises for me (out of nowhere!) and reaffirmation that he totally adores my figure. So, really, no help at all.

I think the worst enemy is myself. Really, I should be losing a good few pounds (and I am sure my dieting, colon cleansing colleagues agree) but really, I just cannot be bothered. And I am not exaggerating. I stand at 1.68m and my weight is 68kg. Someone please tell me my BMI?

I just love my food too much, and am satisfied as long as I don’t put on more weight. Maintenance pleases me as is.

I think I have too much self acceptance. I mean, sure I feel a little odd when I see someone being a size 0 even after two kids. But it disappears in about a few seconds, and I am back to having Hokkien noodles for lunch and muffins for tea.  Duh.

The other half also plays a big part. I have friends who are upset that their husbands think they are fat after giving birth. I also have friends whose husbands adore them as much as, if not more than before they had given birth. And the men who leave their wives for a slimmer and younger version… I say, good luck to them. Just don’t come running back when the pasture looks less green. Very often, the spurned wives had already moved on and made a better life for themselves.

But I digress.