Just.

So. Did you go to the AWARE EGM to stand up for your stolen rights? There were good people who went, wanting to stand up against the fundamentalist tyrants, wanting to do some good. There were of course, those who went just so that they can twitter and blog about it to an audience craving for updates (I heard the no 1 twitter trend for that day was #awaresg). And then you have your lemmings.

Of course I didn’t. Bo eng lor, I spent the whole day kite-flying and cycling with my girls.

Not that I didn’t think that the way the group wriggled themselves into the hot seats were any decent, mind you. Subterfuge behaviour is not any self respecting Christian will endeavour towards, and I believe there were more than a few Christians who took exception to such funky tactics.

OK the thing is this. I never thought AWARE to be any organization to be representative of my rights or my beliefs. They did some good things for some people,  no doubt about it, but even in my moments of literal blue and black inflicted by the ex, AWARE had not one sliver of relevance in my life.

I am aware that this might not win me a popularity award (like that would stop me), but I make no apologies for saying this. How I stood up again and moved on with my life, how my mum carved a niche for herself a male-dominated workplace and the educational opportunities paved for my daughters etc etc. had not a fig to do with AWARE.

I respect the goal of equal rights, choice and opportunities, but the beauty of feminism and standing up for one’s own rights is exactly that – a personal empowerment and an individual responsibility. There is strength in numbers perhaps, but still, it is an individual responsibility. Not the empowerment of an organization to do it on your behalf. And certainly not to support the flawed argument fronting the hidden agenda of the old guard, which is to seize on the anti-gay element of COOS and work it with a frenzy to their advantage.

To sum it up, Josie Lau and group lost primarily because of their subterfuge tactics, the delusionally grandiose Thio Su Mien and most importantly the non action of a people who couldn’t bring themselves to support stealth tactics and who believed that religion had no place in a secular organization that aimed to cater to all women across race and religion. Not that we were all rooting so badly for the old guard.

Iif Josie and gang had not been sneaky from the start, had not been burdened with the Feminist Mentor (snort!) and had padded up on their media savvy, the old guard probably did not stand a chance. Indeed, going by the public sentiment and general comments in blogs, a lot of people seemed to think that the old guard are being a bunch of sore losers and were inclined to give the new (now old) exco a chance to prove themselves. Too bad they shot themselves in the foot with the ’sit down and shut up’ phrase (which the whole world repeated to death thereafter) and the antics demonstrated throughout the whole circus act.

And a circus act it was. Looking at the videos on youtube was painful, to say the least. Ladies who behaved unlike ladies (yes I know they were provoked, but still), tolerance and manners were left outside the locked doors, infantile snatching of microphones, shouting, shoving, threats and other ugliness which should not have seen the day were strangely celebrated in a proclaimed feat of victory for liberation, democracy and human rights.

I wonder.

The few who came out smelling like roses were people like Irene Ang who managed to put forth her argument in a most articulate and thankfully, non hysterical way, Braema Mathi who tried to put some sense into an unruly crowd and Josie Lau – yes, she carried herself in a dignified and collected manner throughout the ruckus despite being heckled and booed at, which is more than I say so for the rest of the fight club.

If you were there, and you remained calm and in control despite the circumstances and the environment, kudos to you too. Drop me a note, won’t you.

What was also interesting was the gay crowd’s response to the whole debacle. Except for a very vocal minority (though by the amount of noise they made, you would have thought they are the majority) who seemed to delight in a victim mentality and for whom ‘pro-family’, ‘Christian’ and ‘fundamentalist’ are dirtier profanities than ‘fuck’, the rest of the gay people seemed to take the view of the majority of the female population who did not attend the EGM – it had neither relevance nor impact and they probably don’t give a damn too.

I also don’t fathom the victim mentality. The last time I asked around, most people have gay and lesbian friends, some of whom we are even tight with. There is not one person in our circles of friends, extending beyond six degrees of separation, of whom we know to be ‘pro-family homophobes‘. Maybe I am moving in the wrong circles. Heck, even my mum who is so conservative that she blushes at the sight of my thongs hanging out to dry has this to say about gays – ‘they are also human, what‘.

And in all honesty, Singaporeans are quite a tolerant and even accepting bunch of people when it comes to gays and gay rights. At least we all co-exist peacefully though sometimes not so comfortably in a social context, which is more than I say for homosexual acceptance in countries like Iran, UAE or even our dear neighbour, Malaysia. So what if you have a few haters in a population of millions?

So, the way I see it, the whole saga had nothing to do with gay or anti-gay agendas (though it was cleverly made use of by the old guard) and religion (those nasty Christians!). It was all but a  painfully grace-less exit grandiosely peppered with different agendas and masterfully orchestrated by some.

So what if Josie and gang won? Do they have any real power to impose their anti-gay agenda? Well, they do if we let them. And that’s what I am saying, people.

Really at the end of the day, it’s a non issue. It doesn’t affect me in any way who controls AWARE. The rest of the female/ gay/ straight population who did not turn up at the EGM probably think so too.

And for those who fought so hard for the Josie Lau group to be removed and for the old guard to be reinstated – your tenacity and commitment in fighting for what you believed in were admirable. But. What now?

**

UPDATE

What do you know, the President of AWARE, Dana Lam has written to the press to protest about the ‘objectification of women’ and the ‘cost suffered by other women’. Again, I understand the unspoken expectation to write in and make some form of official objection given her position, but frankly I think it is more empowering to feel that women don’t need to be stood up for (even by another member of the sex) and to respect other women’s decisions and rights, though you might not agree with them. Unfortunately, despite her best efforts, there is that underlying current of one gender being pitted against the other.

Don’t get me wrong – I think the strength of women who come together for a common goal and purpose should not be underestimated. But as opposed to making a stand against a worldly sexism, how about the amplification of a stand for the healthy respect and appreciation of a woman’s beauty and strengths?

And trust me, men know the very difference between the women who welcome being valued proportionately to the size of their breasts, and those who want to be valued for their character and contribution.

In any case, how do you lose your own self worth, respect and dignity based on another’s behaviour?

To say that the ‘indignity is suffered only by one gender’ was probably stretching it a little. To be brutal, the very existence of women who ‘welcome being valued proportionally to their breasts’ is to make women who ‘want to be valued for their character and contribution’ look that much better.

After all, you must have stupid to showcase clever, non?

Stall in Bukit Merah Central Hawker Centre

Quite worthwhile for $2. Taste: 7/10

This article was published in Today’s Motherhood March 2009.

As a mother who had killed and then jump-started the resume twice for both my kids, I have the privilege of having experienced both worlds – the seemingly repelling arenas of the stay at home mums (SAHM) and full time working mums (FTWM).

Having a common denominator of motherhood, you would have thought that we would all have grounds for bonding. Instead, an uneasy tension seem to exist between working and stay home mums which inevitably surfaces every now and then during discussions in online and offline conversations.

Why?

Everyone knows that stay home mum who will not hesitate to rub it in every working mum’s face that she virtuously takes care of her child all day and that working mum who flaunts her career and ‘proper use of education‘ to the stay home mum. I am taking the extreme spectrum of negatives here of course, but these differences are very real.

Indeed, which mum will relish the feeling of doubting if she has done enough for her child? Which mum likes to feel that her child is being shortchanged in one way or the other?

Not everyone has that luxury

I once spoke to a stay mum who said,

“If you give birth to them, you have to take care of them yourself.”

I agree with this to an extent but I was still nonplussed by her tunnel vision. Allow me to explain. I took eighteen months off for each of my children to take care of them from the time they were newborns. Why eighteen months? That was the ‘minimum age’ where they get accepted to child care centres. I did understand where she was coming from – I too did not want my ex’s parents, a babysitter or a domestic helper to take care of them then.

However, I did not see it fit to take the higher moral ground because

• Not everyone has the luxury to take eighteen months off to take care of their children.
• Some have good help and support from their family so there is no pressure for them to stop working.
• I personally know children who have been taken care of by their grandparents, a babysitter or a domestic helper and guess what? While there are the usual naughty and spoilt ones, there are also some happy and well adjusted children.

Perhaps she was undiplomatic or tactless. But definitely she’s not the only one. Everywhere I turn, in forums, in conversations, be it the formula versus breastfeeding debate, the working versus stay home mums debate, the attack of the momzillas – I see the “I’m right, you’re wrong” syndrome.

Individual choices

While some mothers may choose to stay at home and take care of their children, others choose to or have to work, and send their children to child care centres for different reasons – be it for the socializing with other children, or the necessity for a dual income household.

While I find it extremely condescending and narrow minded for a working mum to demean the economics of  ‘a wasted education’ on the part of the stay home mum (in fact, I find that it is put to good use in the daily nurturing and educating  of her child), I also find it extremely condescending and narrow minded for the stay home mum to question the quality time a working mum spends with her child and to proclaim that poor children of working mums suffer from neglect or self esteem problems.

I was working full time for the last 9 years (excluding the 3 years as a SAHM) and what do you know – they turned out  to be happy and well behaved children and even my friends who normally do not like children have nothing by praise for them.

Who is to say that the cake baked by the stay home mum automatically scores more points than the cake bought at the store by the working mum who might have rushed to the store from work and then back home to celebrate with her child?

Who is to say that the working mother’s children are a neglected lot?

The last thing any mother needs is to be made to feel guilty or inadequate.

Other Side of the Fence

One major gripe from stay home mums is that some working mums seem to think that it is a ‘taitai’ lifestyle for them – that they not only have the luxury to spend lots of quality time with their children, they also have the freedom to go for high tea, the gym, shopping etc. That might  be true for some SAHMs who also have domestic help, but in reality, many are wonder women who take on the role of housekeeper, disciplinarian, teacher, cook and driver, and sometimes more.

SAHMs might envy the FTWMs because the latter seemingly have a glamourous life away from the endless 24/7 drudgery of housework, kids, housework, cooking, housework, kids routine plus the luxury of having a bigger budget for  shopping and whathaveyous.

Well, some working mums I know do house chores on top of their daily 8 hours away to work. When I was working full time, I too did the house chores and cooked dinner for the children. And no, I did not have a maid due to my personal preference for privacy. And yes, it was tough with a capital T.

And yes I did that, but I wouldn’t condemn the other working mums who didn’t, or the stay home mums who didn’t have to work.

The fact is, it is never easy for a mum, regardless of whether she works or not. The problem is that some mums seem to have an opinion about how other mothers should be parenting their children, dissing the ‘other village of thought’ or taking an assumed ‘moral high ground’ about how the children of these other mothers will be so deprived or missing out on something etc.

On the other end of the scale, I have known some very questionable mothers in my lifetime and guess what? Their children seem to have grown up just fine. Children are so beautiful that way – we parents can screw up at times but still, they forge forward with their own personality, adventures and explorations.

At the end of the day

• Perhaps the first thing to do is to realize that it is none of your business. That’s right. That’s her child, her family, her parenting methods to bother about, not yours. Similarly, That’s my child, my family, my parenting methods to bother about, not yours. If you are a mother, you have lots on your plate already. I know that myself.

• Understanding versus assumption. It is easy to get all edgy and defensive if you assume that your parenting methods are being questioned or judged. Get to know the difficulties of the other camp to open your hearts in accepting that every family has different circumstances and situations.

• Banish the guilt. No mother should be made to feel guilty. You have the right to work, whether you need to financially or simply want to have a career. If a SAHM tries to tell you what to do, tell her to take a hike with her pram. Similarly, if a FTWM tries to pull a you-have-it-so-easy on you, mention the simple fact that your job is 24/7 and there are no ‘off days’.

• Make your decision.. then stand by it. As long as we know that we are doing the best we can for our family, anyone else’s opinion, diatribe or verbal diarrhoea does not matter.

• Don’t let another mum’s ‘issues’ affect you. That mum might behave in that judgmental and holier than thou manner because she has self esteem or security issues, or  because she envies what you have that she doesn’t. To validy her own importance and existence, she feels the need to trample on yours. Don’t stoop to her level. You know better.  You will always be the centre of your children’s universe and no one can ever take it away from you, no matter how hard they try.

*Cues thunder and lightning* Am I the only remaining Singaporean parent to feel this way?

I am not against having tuition for the kids if they need help but I am against having tuition for the kids if you want to ace everyone else, ace everything and to play the senseless one up game with everyone else. I know some parents who are proud to have their kids tutored in all the subjects just to be ‘ahead’ in the rat race.

This is like winning in the Special Olympics. If you need to ask why, stop reading.

I have never forced tuition on Germaine because

1. she doesn’t need it.
2. I don’t need her to glorify me with her results
3. honestly, who found the stuff they learned in school relevant when they started working? I am not the only one who feels this way. Big shot investment banking lawyer also ok.

I also rebel against positioning education as a win or lose situation. I hate the way our education system pushes parents and students to choose courses which are “useful”, “practical” or “in-demand” (rather than the courses for which the student has a genuine interest).

This education system also ostracized people who may not score well academically, but are nevertheless talented and intelligent. Now it begs the question,

“Are examinations the only way to gauge your potential, talent and intelligence?”

I have friends who will never dream of sending their kids to Sports School in case the children ‘don’t have something to fall back on’. Is this the fault of the parents? No.

This is the fault of this elitist government who has worshipped the God of Academic Results. An ‘A team‘ which has lost (only) billions in investments  and came up with gems like Job Credit Scheme.

Lastly, look at poor Rebecca Wong (or rather, poor Rebecca Wong’s parents).

ST Nov 29, 2008
Tuition not the way to success

WHEN I collected my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results in 1985, I was told I had been selected to attend a Special Assistance Plan (SAP) secondary school. This sudden ‘promotion’ did my parents proud but it gave me much stress. The moment I started at the SAP school, I fell from being the top girl to being among the top 15. For the first time in my life, I knew I was simply ‘not good enough’ and was bitterly disappointed with myself.

Since almost everyone ahead of me had tuition of various kinds, I told my parents I needed help too.It was not long before my single-income family began to channel huge amounts towards education investment – tuition for me and my three siblings. One day, the principal of my SAP school in Katong asked to meet my parents concerning my lacklustre grades. He wanted me to drop chemistry and English literature specifically, ’so as not to pull down the school standard’. After my mother pleaded with him tearfully, this humiliating episode ended with more tuition for me and less retirement funds for my food-seller parents. In all, I had tuition in six out of 10 subjects, not because I did badly, but because I was not good enough to achieve the As and Bs the school was furiously churning out ….

Rebecca Wang

The weather was gloriously sunny and breezy so we went for a walk in the estate.

Look at the scattered leaves on the ground. Our problems are but one leaf in the big scheme of things.

Pond at Kent Ridge Park

Feeding the turtles

‘Fishing’

Caught a leaf.

The scenery is simply breathtaking. I prefer to take a walk in the park a million times more than jostling with crowds in shopping centres or along Orchard Road. *shudder*

It almost felt like our own private park – it was that quiet and serene.

Hmm.. do not catch birds with your bare hands? Do not clench the bird in your fists? LOL

I think we will miss the park a lot when we move out end of this year. If there is one good thing that the government has done, it is National Parks. Hort Park is another place that is great for relaxation and kid friendly. Hopefully the next house we move into will be close to a park or amidst greenery.

**

Pictures taken with the Nikon D60.

When it comes to defending my rights of self expression and freedom of blogging, I would be the first to tell anyone who wants to regulate my blogging to take a hike (and I am sounding nice here).

Having said that, I can hear you screaming, “Then what are you doing on the committee of an association that

1. regulate how bloggers blog;
2. has the chutzpah to represent all bloggers in Singapore;
3. teaches bloggers how to or what to blog?!”

The answers are ridiculously simple.

1. We do not presume to regulate or help people to regulate.
2. We do not want to, have never claimed to nor can we represent anyone. The Singapore tag is an indication of location and not territory.
3. We may organize workshops and seminars facilitated by qualified professionals but the choice is always up to the individual to attend.

There have been a few assumptions and questions over the last few days. The team has answered here and the below are my personal thoughts.

Protection

It is ludicrous to assume that any association can protect you if you commit an offense. Try asking a lawyer if the Law Society can protect him if he embezzles or slanders. Very clearly, the answer is no.

Validation

People are also asking why they should join the association to validify their status or existence as bloggers. My answer again is painfully simple. You don’t. You don’t join the Chinese Association to prove you are a Chinese. You don’t join AWARE to prove you are a woman. You join any association purely and simply because of either interest or passion. And if it’s not your cup of tea, don’t.

In fact, I was very surprised this question even came up.

Why set up an Association?

Then you may ask, so what is this Association for?

Plainly, and without the stuffy language of Constitution talk, here goes.

There is unity and strength in numbers. Simply, it is easier to organize any activity or workshop if the numbers are there. It is easier to get projects, opportunities and what nots if the numbers are there. Sure the ‘top bloggers’ get their projects, opportunities, their free wine and dine events, their freebie gadgets – but are they sharing it with you? You might argue that not everyone is interested in perks and opportunities but even celebrities are not exempt. To each their own, I say.

When we talk about educating bloggers, it is not about telling them how or what to blog. For example, I was a tech idiot and never knew how to use HTML, much less do blog templates or what nots. I wished that there were some kind of workshops where I can glean such hands-on knowledge, but there were none when I started out. It appears that I am not alone. Sure, you might be so smart that you never need any help, but there are others who do. Why be selfish and decline them the opportunity? Why stop us from building up a community of newbie or fledging bloggers? Why must we fill it with A list bloggers? Question, questions.

Government Lap Dog

Then there is the hooha about the government endorsement and about AIMS and Lam Pin in Today. I find the angle of the article regrettable, though the intentions of the reporter might be good. In that alignment and ‘endorsement’ by the establishment, bloggers viewed us as being establishment and government lap dogs.

What a joke. Many of us were openly critical of the government and policies from time to time in our blogs.

As for the conspiracy theory about us wearing white tops (and therefore PAP), I am not even going to justify that. American classics anyone?

Unity and individualism

The  beauty about every blogger is their individualistic entity. Everyone has their own method of expression and their own way of thinking. In seeking unity, we are not looking to make clones of everyone, but to help like- minded people forge a homogeneous identity. From the reactions of some, you’d have thought we are killing little babies.

Website

Some made an issue out of the wordpress free website even though we had already clearly explained that that it is a temporary site. I admit the timing was too tight, what with the Today article being published and the Association being registered just three days earlier.

In fact, this timing also affected many of our other logistics and marketing plans. Without going into too many details, I can just say that some things were beyond our control. We are now working on a proper website.

Nobody and A list bloggers

Ah.. this is my favourite -

‘Who are you to set up an Association? You bunch of nobody bloggers with dunno what credentials.’

I will be the first to admit I am a low profile blogger. You don’t and will never see me posting sex links or jumping on the ’scandals’ bandwagon to whore out for traffic. I also don’t buy into the elitist nonsense of A list, big time, top, celebrity or rock star bloggers and that the rest of us are ‘nobodies‘ or ‘lesser mortals‘.

Endoh asks which one do you prefer:-

Inviting only A-list/top bloggers because they are famous.

OR

Inviting even the commoners among the blogosphere to let them know they need not be A-list/top bloggers to also actively participate.

Yan Tan can cook, but is he in hot soup now?

Personally, I don’t give a flying dart about how much he is earning. You have money, power to you.

The unease is for the people who have lost their jobs, the people who cannot afford a meal, the man on the street.

In other words, zip it and count your blessings if you are blessed.

Don’t rub salt in injury.

***

Elsewhere:

Agreeing that the rebuke in Parliament was “harsh”, MP Charles Chong noted that in the article, Mr Tan did not “brag” about how expensive the trip was. “Maybe it made lesser mortals envious and they thought maybe he was a little bit boastful,” he said. “Would people have taken offence if his wife (a senior investment counsellor at a bank) had paid for everything?”

<–Photo of the god-like MP Charles Chong from Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC.

***

I am torn between facepalm and LOL.

I love blogs. I love the idea of social media though I may not like some of the pretentious grandeur lent to it by some. I love it for what it is – the insight into people.

In a plurk where a friend asked which superhero power we would like to have, many mentioned the power of mind reading. These few days have made me realize one thing.

Blogs lend that power of mind reading.

You can gauge the character of a person by the way he blogs. You can gauge the character of a person when he lies on his blog. You can gauge the character of a person by the contents of his blog.

Noise is good. Noise tells you what you need to know about a person, be it good or bad.

I have filtered quite an amount of noise over the last few days. There are well wishes, genuine feedback, misunderstandings due to information, abusive vulgarities, personal attacks and polite no-thanks. There is even a very funny msn conversation which I would have enjoyed more, if I had not disliked one of the participants immensely.

This noise is priceless – you pay a PR agency or a survey company and you might not get it.

Amidst the noise, two voices have stood out and they are excellent examples for the kind of reasonable, logical, not insane, not senseless and balanced kind of blogging that I (personally) would like to see more of in this blogosphere. While there are some issues in Brian’s post that will be addressed in our official website when it is up, he has grasped the essence of what I also believe in – the freedom of choice and the beauty of that freedom in social media.

If you don’t like to eat apples, by all means, don’t. Don’t stop others from eating it or say it tastes bad just because you don’t like eating apples.

The freedom of choice is also extended to accepting a difference in views or thinking amongst my friends. Will friends force each other to follow blindly or to monkey see monkey do? Are friends for you to manipulate or influence their thinking to suit your wishes or agenda? No. That, pretty much is obvious. To me, at least.

I respect integrity and honesty, even when it is showcased in a dissenting opinion. Incidentally, I am repelled by implied insults or contempt by sly riding on others’ coat tails or passive aggressive attacks.

How do I respond to haters and flamers? I don’t. Tina Fey has her own method of handling noise and addresses her haters in a hilarious ‘suck it’ speech, which I find rather amusing (love her!)

“If you ever start to feel too good about yourself, they have this thing called the Internet. And you can find a lot of people there who don’t like you.”

LOL.

What do you feel about or deal with noise?

**

I will end by musing out loud about some questions.

Do Peranakans join the Peranakan Association to prove that they are nonyas or babas, or because of their culture, interest and passion?

Do women join AWARE to prove that they are women, or to pick up skills relevant to themselves?

Can the Chinese Association disqualify you from being a Chinese simply because you are not a member?

**

Disclaimer: this is a personal musing post.

The beauty of the blogosphere flows in its fluidity. Indeed, there are all kinds of bloggers – the nonsensical, the bare its soul, the foodie, the shopping fanatic, the know it all, the beauty enthusiast, the kiss and tell, the guru etc. Like it or not,, they all have their own  audience.

Just like you don’t barge into a man’s home and tell him how to live his life, you don’t saunter onto another’s blog and tell him how to blog.

At least, that is what I believe.

I celebrate the beauty of the blogosphere and its freedom and sensibilities. I celebrate the difference in opinions and the diversity of personalities. I believe that people should have their freedom in blogging, just like readers should have the freedom of choosing.

Naturally, the liberal in me detests any form of OB markers imposed upon my blogging though common sense does steer me away from certain topics. I also find herd mentality confounding; when a person with an alternative opinion either gets herd attacked by a ‘like-minded’ group or is dismissed as an attention whore. Though, I must admit, it is true in some cases.

But such is the beauty of social media – everyone has their own opinion. There will always be attention whores who take an alternative stand or criticize just because. They will be isolated with the onward trending of new media and its community. Petty bitching and flaming defeats the purpose of social media and more importantly, diminishes the importance of social media in corporate consideration.

Having said that, when Eastcoastlife approached me to join the committee for the Association of Bloggers (Singapore), I was very inspired by the founding principles, and was happy to be part of the team.

I really like the idea of supporting the development of blogging as new media and to promote professionalism or responsibility in blogging. I know how many bloggers baulk at the thought of certain XX being the front of Singaporean bloggers (though I find her quite amusing) so this might be a good platform moving forward.

Things are moving rapidly. We are featured on Today, several community projects require bloggers’ participation, corporate opportunities are opening up – we have even lined up an eventful year of educational programs, ranging from writing workshops to heritage/nature trails and talks on media law.

The best thing is – there are no cliques or in groups – ALL are welcome! We warmly welcome all bloggers to join us in all our activities, events, outings etc.

The gulf is getting wider, that’s why.

I don’t condone the act of violence to another human being, (provocation being another issue), but I think this incident says something about MP Seng Han Thong.

Either he is really very suay (he was punched by a 74 year old taxi driver in 2006) or he has EQ problems.

In both cases, the attackers are elderly men in their 70s. Interesting.

I am not fascinated with grades per se. And no, I am not a negligent mum. I just dislike the idea of grades being all indicative of a child’s understanding and intelligence. Unconventional perhaps, but not that radical.

So far, Germaine has not had any tuition, despite her weak grades in Mathematics. She doesn’t like the idea and prefers being taught by us – conveniently ignoring the fact my blood pressure shoots up every time I have to coach her. And have you seen those Primary Maths questions lately? Still, they are trying to ‘boost primary education‘. Enough already! If this trend continues, all the monetary incentives they throw up cannot convince me to have a third child.

Anyway, my refusal to let grades define my child’s intelligence does not mean that I do not praise her when she does well.

Similarly, when she scores reasonably good marks, I don’t let up on her if I know that she can score better and has started being complacent.

My point is, grades are not a complete indicator of a child’s education. In some cases, some children cannot handle the stress and their nervousness during examinations and end up not doing as well as they could in normal circumstances.

Another reason why I feel that grades should not be all indicative of a child’s intelligence and abilities is also because some children might be late bloomers. If your child could not speak well even to the age of nine, did poorly in school and had a teacher who told you that he ‘could not amount to anything’, would you feel that he is a ‘gone case’?

Well, I would hardly label Albert Einstein as a ‘gone case’.

Not every one of our children may be gifted academically but I believe that every child has his or her own talent. I have known children who have flunked their academic subjects but who are good in the kitchen, sports or arts. And who is to say that these children are failures?

It is our society and our culture that determines academia to be the ultimate success. Don’t be deceived or trapped by the herd mentality. It is people like Bill Gates and Sim Wong Hoo who are laughing their way to the bank.

**

I have a story that I would like to share with my readers.

There was once a boy whose nickname is “Dummy”. He was in 5th grade and thought that he was stupid. Although he grew up in a very poor neighborhood in Detroit his mother, who worked as a domestic,  believed that he and his older brother could only succeed through education.  She worked 2, sometimes 3 menial jobs to take care of them.

**

Next up: Point #2 on education – stop the mollycoddling and babysitting.

John McCain’s gracious concession speech – possibly one of his best speeches.

Honestly, though I think McCain is a good old chap with an evil sense of humour, his choice of Palin ultimately did him in good. The gaffes, the cluelessness on foreign policies and the wardrobe – too much to stomach. I shudder at the thought of her being remotely close to being the next President of America.

Also, after what Bush did to America’s economy, what with subprime loans, war policies and what nots, America is ready for a necessary change, a change which might be too radical for McCain and his conservative Republican policies and ideas. And so that change came in the form of Barack Obama.

Though our dear MM Lee once dismissed Obama as being too inexperienced and a ‘flash in the pan’ and that America is not ready for a bi-racial President, he is once again being proven wrong in the landslide votes – America had spoken and had spoken very clearly.

Part 1 of Barack Obama’s Victory Speech

Part 1 of Barack Obama’s Victory Speech

Difference between the two Presidential candidates and our politicans

When I was following the speeches on Wednesday, I was struck by the difference in the two politicians campaigning and fighting with so much passion for the presidency and our very own ministers and leaders, who were, for want of a better description, enticed and bought with money.

The jarring difference is painfully obvious. McCain, in his concession speech, pledges his full support to his opponent who had won. He said “the failure is mine, not yours.”

Our Prime Minister, Lee Hsien Loong, urges us not to vote in too many opposition politicians lest he has to spend more time thinking about how to ‘buy votes and fix the opposition‘.

Obama said to the red voters, “And, to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your president, too.”

Our Minister Mentor, Lee Kuan Yew, said ‘we decide what is right. Never mind what people think’ in 1987, while the opposition wards like Potong Pasir seem to have been marked off the property radar of Singapore.

Great world of difference – and we are constantly being fed nuggets of wisdom on how dangerous the Western liberation and democracy is and our MM Lee even said that the ‘one man one vote system is too dangerous’. Just look how dangerous and gracious McCain and Obama became. Don’t worry – our own leaders are not remotely even close to that kind of ‘danger’. Our leaders are incapable of being gracious even when talking about a dead opponent, much less one he would have to spend time ‘fixing’.

Indeed, if the political climate in America was like that of our country, Obama will not be given the opportunity to even serve in Senate. His family circumstances, the race issue, his radical ideas and thinking not in line with ruling party’s – all these would have worked against him here but not in America where the people have spoken.

Why the glaring difference

I believe it lies in one single factor – passion. Obama and McCain may have had different convictions and political beliefs but the common denominator was that they campaigned hard for the presidency. Obama particularly, harnessed a creative use of social media to speak to the masses. Were they enticed with a million dollar salary to run for presidency? Were they promised a nanny in the form of the GRC protection in their election? Nothing was handed to them on a silver spoon.

They battled hard and in some instances, fought dirty and showed grit and tenacity in their quest of ‘may the best man win’. I respect that deeply.

Our ministers, who have to be persuaded in tea sessions and monetary offers so that they will leave their ‘lucrative practices’ and promised candidacy where a heavyweight big brother will take care of you in the elections – forget it. What passion? What fiery oratory can these people be capable of? MM Lee loves to justify the ministerial salary to how much ministers like Ng Eng Hen and Vivian Balakrishnan were making in their practices before. Were Obama and McCain not wealthy before they chose to run for presidency?

When Obama spoke, the hair on the back of my neck stood and I felt awed, hope, comforted and inspired by the power of his conviction and the change that is to come. When McCain spoke, I felt humbled by his graciousness and respect for his consideration of the bigger picture.

When our ministers spoke, I usually feel nothing but anger and contempt, or at best – nonchalance.

Dr Terence Chong of the Institute of Southeast Asian Studies told ST that ‘while Singaporeans cheer and dream along with Americans as global citizens, when it comes to local politicians, they just want them to make sure that the street lights work in the evening and there are jobs in the morning‘ and that we ‘accept that Singapore leaders don’t do inspiration, they do competence and reliability‘.

Really? Why is there a mutual exclusivity between ‘inspiration’ and ‘competence and reliability’?

Also, with the recent financial saga and with Singapore being the first Asian country to go into recession, it seems that the claim of ‘competence and reliability’ is pretty dody, much less the hope of being inspiring.

Yes, we can

In a nation where the mantra of the leadership is ‘we decide what is right. Never mind what people think”, we have to accept that there will only be concessionary change – Speakers’ Corner, political films (like we care, they were being distributed anyway) etc, just to wayang a little. The leadership style, the iron arm tactics, the ‘we know what is best’ authoritarian style  – I doubt these will change.

But we can. We, as a people, can change to be less apathetic and more socially conscious. When will we ‘cast off the slumber into which you have been led into for the last 10 years. Wake up to your rights as a human being, to your proper role as citizens of this country.’ – in the words of JB Jeyaretnam?

I believe that we, as a people, do want change. Just look at the turnout in the WP rally in the 2006 elections.

When will our people speak? When will we stand out and stand as a people, ‘Yes, we can’ or most importantly, ‘Yes, I can’?

This article was first published in The Online Citizen.

I found it hauntingly apt that JB Jeyaretnam had said this in July earlier this year -

Cast off the slumber into which you have been led into for the last 10 years. Wake up to your rights as a human being, to your proper role as citizens of this country.

It was right about this time when I became politically and socially vocal again. I would like to say that Mr Jeyaretnam played a part in my citizenship exploration. As such, I would like to dedicate my first article in my TOC column to Mr Jeyaretnam and his family.

**

Recently, I had an opportunity to meet and speak with Minister Lim Swee Say in a dialogue session. As I am neither pro or anti PAP, I can honestly say that there is nothing to dislike about him as he seems affable and modest enough – save for the million dollar salary and the usual partisan pokes. As a minister, he comes across as being more approachable and genuine than his peers. The feedback from my conversations with my fellow dialogue participants is that he seems more sincere and honest than the likes of Wong Kan Seng or Mah Bow Tan.

I have tried to replicate his words as closely as possible in this article – to echo his ability to talk to people from all walks of life. He seldom uses big words and in fact, speaks simply to get his points across.

Background about Minister Lim Swee Say

Mr Lim Swee Say entered politics and joined the labour movement in 1996 to help the rank and file workers upgrade and remain employable. He served as Deputy Secretary-General of the National Trades Union Congress from 1997 to 1999 before he was appointed Minister of State for Communications and Information Technology and Minister of State for Trade and Industry in June 1999. He became Acting Minister for the Environment in October 2000 and Minister for the Environment in November 2001. In August 2004, Mr Lim was appointed Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office and Second Minister for National Development. He served concurrently as Deputy Secretary-General of the National Trades Union Congress. He relinquished the appointment of Second Minister for National Development on 1 October 2005 to serve full time in the labour movement. From January 2007, Mr Lim serves as the Secretary-General of the National Trades Union Congress.

On Country

Minister Lim said ,”China has Deng Xiao Ping, Singapore has Lee Kuan Yew and that’s why we have been growing as a nation”. While it is obvious that both leaders have been instrumental in the modernization of their countries, I felt slightly perturbed by the analogy. Here’s why.

Credits to Wikipedia

1. While Deng had never held office as the head of state, Premier or a head position in government (he was the General Secretary of the Communist Party), he was the de facto leader of China from 1978 to 1992. However, even after his retirement in 1992, he was widely regarded to have backroom control.
2. Deng kept an iron fist ready to crush any threats to the nation’s Communist dictatorship.
3. Deng orchestrated ???? *Beijing Spring – a short lived political liberalization in the People’s Republic of China which occurred in 1977 and 1978. The thought of the Speakers’ Corner very strangely popped into my mind.
4. Deng is known for his political stronghold tactics – one example being the brutal suppression of unarmed demonstrators in Beijing’s Tiananmen Square in June 1989.

*The name is derived from “Prague Spring”, an political liberalization which occurred in Czechoslovakia in 5 Jan – 21 Aug 1968.

In comparing the Minister Mentor of Singapore to a communistic de facto leader of China who ruled with an iron fist, what was the sublimate message?

On Life

“Life is a total package – you cannot have the best of both worlds. There are always trade offs. Everything in life is neutral – anything can be good or bad, depending on how you look at it.”

MrLim then went on to illustrate the issues of foreign talent and the integrated resorts” as examples of how they can be viewed as “good” or “bad” depending on “the angle you look at things”.

I am generally wary of the play on semantics, especially from it comes from someone who seems extremely affable and likable. The likelihood of being lured into a false sense of security and agreement is sadly and frequently real.

A grassroots helper in her 40s once said to me, “Mr Lim is a ????. He won’t lie to us. If he says that CPF cut will help us, it must be true.”

Policies

“The government, in drafting policies, have to consider if it will have good or bad results in the future. Will it be sustainable? Any government can do right today. How about 5 – 10 years down the road?

We have to look at the long term perspective.”

With that, we will have to question the “Stop at 2″ initiative to curb birth rates in the 70s, which had led to the bleeding population rate today.

We also have to query the long term implication of a short term stop gap solution of importing foreign talent. While we are suffering from a frail replacement ratio here, with the sudden influx of adults presently, will it not lead to the problem of a predominantly ageing population in 20 – 30 years’ time?

The introduction of integrated resorts might signal economic gains but what of the social impact? We cannot be compared with the likes of Macau simply because Macau does not have the reputation of being a nanny state and babying its people. Are we as a people sophisticated enough to handle the problems the gambling industry will bring?

Gambling addiction, loansharking and family degeneration aside, what about the sex trade? How is the government going to handle the problem of increasing sex escorts and workers drawn to our shores because of big money playing at the tables? Do the CDCs have subsidies in place to help the family members of a gambling addict or a debt-ridden family?

I have many questions but no answers.

The connection between the Labour movement and the government

“The companies and businesses have to trust the government. There can be no trust without consistency. Imagine if the government says one thing today and another the next? How can investors trust in such a government?

There has to be a Tripartite relationship between the government, the union and the businesses.

So where does the People stand in such a tripartite relationship??

Questions put forth to Minister Lim Swee Say

In an interview with CNA’s S Ramesh, Mr Lim said,

“The worse thing that any country does at a time of high inflation would be for the unions and workers to push for wage inflation. Wage inflation is different from wage increment. Wage inflation means you are pushing up wages to fully offset the inflation,”

Using the above as a reference, I asked Mr Lim,

While we, as citizens, help the lower income group by volunteering and social enterprise, how does the government plan to reach out to the lower income group?

Also, I brought up the issue of socio-political bloggers and asked,

What is the official stand of the government towards bloggers?

He reply to me was

“You ask me, I ask who?”

He went on to say, “Find your own answers.”

Although how I am to find the answers to my questions, which basically required the information from the horse’s mouth, I do not know. It is almost like a vicious circle, a Catch 22 to which we can find no concrete tangible answers.

Once again, I have many questions but I get no answers.

He ended the session with the sharing of a quote that had impacted his life -

“People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”

Perhaps the real question I should have asked Mr Lim was,

“How much do you care? How much does the government care?”

he kids didn’t want to go to the dad’s place today so we shelved the anniversary dinner date and brought everyone out to Globetrotters at United Square, where they had a fabulous playroom for kids. Geanyne loved it but Ger thought it’s waaaay too babyish for her.

So we got her to make a pizza for herself and Gean… don’t scream child labour.. I think she had fun.

As usual I’d let the pictures speak for themselves. *beams*

Oh, the service is impeccable, the angmoh manager and local staff were cheerful and friendly and the playroom was properly staffed. Very nice.

See how neat and pretty it is!! anal like her mum

Looks delicious!! And it was after we sinked our teeth in…

After dinner, we brought the kids to Ben and Jerry’s for more sinful treats, like Triple Sundae (“Phish food”, Strawberry and Vanilla ice cream WITH caramel AND chocolate rice) for Ger (God knows she needs some flesh on her! Haha) Chocolate therapy cup for Gean and a hot cuppa latte for me.

Unitd Square is really a kids’ haven. It is lined with toy shops, kids apparel shops, kiddy salons etc. We bought a few tees, pants and jackets for Ger and Gean. I think they really had a great time today.

Which really means a lot to me. In a way, it is also great that the kids “celebrated” our anniversary with us. And the fact that Big did not feel resentful in any way that our dinner date and my surprises had to be shelved, that our romantic dinner date became a family outing with the kids and he did not mind ONE BIT, really touched me deeply.

So… happy anniversary celebrations after all, even though it turned out differently.

More to come tomorrow though………. *zips for now*

We brought the kids to the zoo and Night Safari on Saturday. To say that we were a little ambitious to want to attempt both places on the same day is an understatement. We were exhausted at the end of the day! But I must say we had lots of fun (as usual) and we picked up some interesting facts about animals.

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Lest you think that from my previous post that I am one of those spoilt or chi chi wannabe types who MUST dine in fine dining restaurants (I am so NOT, *shudders), here is the evidence:

Tong Ah’s Specialty Chicken in Claypot

Tong Ah’s Specialty Fried Toufu with radish and minced pork

Simple dish of Potato Leaves fried with garlic and black bean paste.

Place: Tong Ah Coffeeshop at Teck Lim Road (near Keong Saik Road)

Verdict: Good soulful food at good prices. I TOTALLY APPROVE!!

Brought the kids to a fun fair at Fort Canning today. We had fun, though the booming music blasting continuously gave me a headache at the end of the day. Ah well.

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